You changed my life [Rammstein]

Chapter 38: The accident

My breathing accelerates and I feel the tears fall down my cheeks to come and die on my lips wide-open.

- Lord... not him... everyone but not him... I keep repeating.

I feel a hand resting on my shoulder and I let myself go against the torso of the lead guitarist who tightens me against him, trying to comfort me.

-Paul !! I shout very loudly, clutching Richard.

I wake up with a start, once again, and find myself in the arms of Kruspe who tries, as best he could, to wake me up.

-Jim, calm down I'm here... He says looking at me with a worried look.

I grab a little more on his shoulders then, without really realizing it, I do what I never imagined I could do one day. I kiss him in the mouth.

-Sorry... I whisper as I get away from him. I don't know what made me do this.

-I understand your reaction very well, you have just seen a nightmare and you needed comfort. Says the smoker without looking at me.

-Please, forgive me... I mumble, grabbing his hand. I've messed up everything and Paul is going to kill me for it.

-This was absolutely not disagreeable. He teases me to calm the electrified atmosphere. The best thing is not to do it again if you don't want Paul to kill you...

I really messed up, I really don't know what made me throw myself on him and forget that he's father's man. Shit, Jimaima Carter !!

-Don't say anything about what happened to Paul. I beg him. He will be furious against me.

-I don't hide anything from my schatz. He announces, shaking his head.

Farewell Jimaima Carter, Paul Heiko Landers is going to put you in cockroach pie because of a stupid nightmare. No, not as stupid as it seemed because it concerns him in the first place. And besides speaking of my father-in-law, he is not here yet...

-Paul is not back yet? I ask to change subject.

-Not yet, it's past midnight but he's still not there. Answers the brown.

My heart misses a beat and the details of the nightmare come to my mind. Where can he be, good Lord ?! My God, make nothing horrible happen to him !!

-Can you tell me your dream to better understand your reaction? He asks after a long moment of silence.

-I'm afraid to face it again, it concerns daddy Paul... I lament with a sigh.

The caller's phone rings suddenly, causing us to jump. The brunette takes it to know who it is, but his expression changes abruptly when he looks at the screen. Something's wrong, I'm sure.

-All right, Erni? He asks.

-Erni Landers? I say with surprise while trying to reach the device. What does he want ?

The guitarist prevents me from reaching his phone by placing a hand between us. I start all over again trying to take it away.

-What ?? Cries out my uncle. Where is he now? I'm coming very soon ?

-What happened ? I ask when he hangs up. Richard, tell me !!

-Get ready, I'll take you to Khira. He simply answers. I'll wait for you out, do it fast.

I put on simple clothes, then go out and join the brown in his BMW. Richard seems nervous and I don't dare ask him why, lest he explodes in my face. Finally arrived at my sister's, I notice that her boyfriend's car is not in the parking lot outside and it seems suspicious.

-Come on, get out... I called my daughter while you were changing. He says, opening the door. She is waiting for you.

I walk rapidly towards the big house, glancing from time to time at the large iron walls which encircle the habitat area. I really feel lost...

Khira is on the steps of the door waiting for us. The brunette looks like a sad person at the bottom but fights against herself for not showing it. I look at her interrogatively but all she does is smile weakly.

-Schneider is already there? Asks Kruspe to his daughter.

-Everyone is their. Li replies, avoiding to look at me. We will join you in the early morning, Jim must rest.

-Somebody explain to me what's wrong around !! I exclaim, feeling neglected.

-Not now... Says the brown as he begins to walk away. Not after your dream.

Frankly, I don't understand anything at all. I let myself be carried away by my sister who takes me to the guest room. She doesn't say anything at all and I fall asleep on the spot, but my heart tells me that something terrible has happened...

In the morning, late in the morning, Khira tells me what is wrong by taking me in Nele's car to the hospital. Paul has had an accident and is in a coma right now. I fainted to wake up in a hospital room.

-Jim, stay strong. Says Maria, who's at my bedside. Paul is too strong and will get away with it.

-I'm afraid of losing him, Maria. I cry, throwing myself into her arms. He's the only parent I have after my own parents dropped me.

-I know him very well. Lorenz says to me from the window. I spent almost 20 years with him, outside Rammstein.

Having my other family around me makes me warm and keeps me on the rack. I don't know what would have happened to me without them on my side.

-I want to see him. I say calmly but sadly and lost.

-Entering his room is forbidden. Chris says to me, coming towards me. You will only see him through the outside window.

-I don't care, the bottom line is that I see him. I reply, letting him get up.

The room where my father stays is guarded by bodyguards, the same as those of Till. I advance towards the window, leaning on Khira and Lorenz, then look inside. My heart jumps when I see the bandages that cover the body.

I start crying warm tears against the skinny guy's torso, and he taps me on the shoulder comfortably. I feel lost in this universe, the dream is realized and I am afraid of losing my source of life.

-Jim, don't force me to drive you out of here. Khira says in a maternal tone. Stay calm, Landers will get out.

-Say that to Richard who became a zombie in only one day. I say to myself, looking at the person concerned.

My other father has resumed his dirty habit and is in the process of smoking like a chimney in a remote corner of the building. I can feel what others don't understand, his trouble and his fear of losing his lover.

-Oh my Paulchen !! Exclaims a female voice, coming from the elevator.

-Landers... Murmurs Flake looking at his friend. Quick, someone must take Richard away from here before he makes a mistake.

-Get him out of here and make sure that Khira doesn't notice anything. I say in a discreet tone. We don't want the others to know about our guitarists.

The Keyboardist simply acquires, then releases me and goes to his friend. He asks him to go for coffee, and he gives him an empty look and then gets up and goes with him to the stairs.

-Where is my father? Asks voice that I recognize very well.

I didn't imagine that he will come to see his own father after the last words he had thrown me in the hospital. Even calling him Dad leaves me under the shock...

-Emil Reinke Landers... your father needs you. I say to myself.

to be continued...