the journal - h.s.

40

[harry’s pov]

She didn’t reply. She didn’t say a word. I wasn’t even sure if she had stopped, but I was too afraid to stop up and look back. I just hoped so badly she was still by my side. What was she thinking? Probably that I was one of those kids of snobbish parents, who were never at home and therefore had gotten a private teacher to take care of everything. Probably that I was like a machine who just had to learn, learn, learn. Probably that I was so endlessly stupid for giving up Harvard. Probably that I was one of those people who took for granted the opportunities their parents had given them.

I should have kept my mouth shut, I realized. But her questions about all those movies, which I hadn’t seen, which I had missed out on had just driven me to the edge. As if I hadn’t seen commercials, seen the toys, heard others talk about all of those things I had been missing out on - but it wasn’t my fault I knew nothing about this seemingly normal topic. Average knowledge, that I didn’t have. Because of him. Because he had wanted me to learn traditional values instead of spending my time watching 'stupid foolish movies which had nothing to do with reality'.

“Harry?”

She was still there. My heart grew a little hopeful, but I knew it was probably the worst feeling to get right now - because if it turned out she really was trying to come up with an excuse to leave this twisted boy beside her, I would be devastated. I always had a way of pushing people further away from me, when I tried opening up to them. It had always been like that. I scared people away. That was why I had never talked to Jenny or Zayn or Louis the way I did right now. Because I knew the outcome. People hated hearing stories with a sad ending - especially if they were just drop dead depressing from start to end.

We kept walking down the pavement with the park beside us and the trafficked road on the other. The tall buildings on the other side of the street were towering up into the dark night with only the glowing squares visible far up.

“Well I’m sorry I have to say this but,” oh crap. Oh no. Oh please god no. I wanted to dissolve into the darkness. Become one with the pavement as long as I didn’t have to hear her next words, where she would tell me she ‘had to be somewhere else’. That would be the last of her in my life. You fucking idiot Harry.

“I have to force you into accompanying me in seeing at least one Disney movie and one James Bond movie. I’m so sorry but you just have to - if you like it or not. And I will make popcorn, which you will eat. And we will watch it till the very end of the damn freaking credits too. Sorry in advance, but that’s kind of my duty as a human. And I don't want to be a bad person so you just have to deal with that.” She had kept her eyes on the pavement, as we had kept walking, but as she had said that last sentence she had looked up at my completely and utterly surprised face and she had tried so desperately to keep that smile back. But she couldn’t - she lit up and sent me a grin that resembled how I felt on the inside.

I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded and smiled. Smiled as I've never smiled before. She started debating with herself which specific two movies she should choose to be my first ones, as I just kept smiling trying to make sure my heart wouldn’t explode. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and pull her tight into my chest and drown her words with my lips. I wanted to fill entire journals with words that tried describing her, but never truly could.

 

[amber’s pov]

I was laughing - I couldn’t help myself. And he was laughing with me as we turned into the dark park almost at our target. We were both walking with our hands in our pockets, but very closely. Both with flushed cheeks and hot breaths.

“Where are you taking me anyway? I mean now you’re going to force me against my will to see not one - but two movies - and now you’re kidnapping me?” His raspy voice was heard into the night, over floating with happiness again, as he was joking around. He offered to take my now empty cup and walked backwards while asking the question. I watched him as he spun around and threw out the two cups, before turning back to me with a smirk in place.

“Well I’m kidnapping you to a place you’ve probably heard about - maybe even seen if you’ve ever been to Chicago before as a tourist?” I knew he had only been here a couple of months - so I was pretty sure he hadn’t seen what I was about to show him - at nighttime at least.

“Yeah actually I’ve been here to visit my aunt regularly - before I moved to stay permanently.” He narrowed his eyes at me, “I think I might know what you want to show me -”

I smiled up at him with a ‘I’m-not-saying-anymore’ kind of look, as he kept walking backwards while observing me. As if he couldn’t help himself wanting to study my every feature all of the time anymore. But I didn’t mind because I had the pleasure of watching him too, his hair moving softly with the wind, his dimples and the green eyes. I couldn't take my eyes of his model like features, which still grew even more beautiful with every sentence he spoke to me. I could see from the corner of my eye, that we were almost there - if I could get him to turn around at the exact right time …

Several tourists were already starting to show up, trying to get their cameras set up correctly, so the flash wouldn’t destroy their photos.

I laughed softly, “so where is it you think I’ve kidnapped and brought you to?”

“Well it’s said to be the gate to the clouds - and the only other gate I’ve ever heard of as entrance to heaven - or the clouds - is Pearly Gates, where Saint Peter is the guardian letting you in. But I’m not exactly sure if Anish Kapoor could be defined as a saint or if Pearly Gates cost 23 million dollars to construct like this gate behind me,” oh crap. So much for that surprise being a surprise. I wondered how long he had known I would take him here - to Cloud Gate.

“You’ve certainly done your homework as a true citizens of Chicago!” I shook my head in awe over his knowledge - Pearly Gates? Must be something from the bible or something. I had heard of Saint Peter though. Hell I was surprised he even knew that the name of the artist, who'd made Cloud Gate, was Anish Kapoor! Not many knew that - and I only knew because I was so obsessively fascinated with the mirror bean sculpture.

“So am I correct?” His voice was filled with confidence and joy - but not in a show off way. More like him being able to contribute with some academical observations and factual information made the conversation even more interesting - he was happy that he could take it to another level. He made it unique - saw it in a different light. I had never thought of the sculptor like that - a gate to heaven. And if that would make the artist a saint then? It was both a critical and daring statement. It raised questions. Just like art was supposed to - and he hadn’t even turned around yet to look at the actual piece!

“Turn around and see for yourself,” I flashed him a grin, as curiousness grew inside of me. I wanted to hear what he thought of the sculptor, what he saw in it. And I wanted to tell him what I thought, what I had been wondering about every time coming here.

He winked at me before suddenly grabbing my hand and pulling me with him as he turned to take in one of my favorite views in Chicago. I was absolutely sure seing it this time, with him holding my hand would make it the most special and fascinating one.

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a/n: I don't know what to say other than thank you - I can't wait to hear your reaction for this one! :) x