the journal - h.s.

35

I couldn’t stop smiling up at him - he made me smile. His nervosity of behaving differently, than he usually would - how he seemed slightly unsure how to behave without that facade, I had realized he usually kept in place. It all made me smile stupidly like a damn school girl. He really tried behaving - and it wasn’t like he had pulled one of those lawyer-answers on me. Not yet at least. He really tried holding back with the show off manners I knew perfectly well, that he possesed.

“I think I've got an idea,” his brows flew up in surprise and, then I turned around and started walking away, as I pulled on my mittens. Leaving him behind slightly startled, I couldn’t help playing around with him just a little. I loved seeing his reaction, which resembled that … affection for the connection we had. I loved to see how it wasn’t just me who wanted to keep him close.

I could hear his quick footsteps following me, as I crossed the street with a huge grin covering my face. I reached the pavement on the other side, and the red neon light coming from a sign in the window of a movie store bathed the stones in that red beautiful light. I loved the city at night - in the dark when those contradistinctions would stand even stronger than in the daylight. When you could hide in the shadows or let your imagination make up the parts, which were hidden in the dark. It contained opportunities. Something unclear, in the dark, changeable. Everything seemed possible.

“So - ehm do you mind if I come along then? Maybe?” His voice was even more humble and unsure, as I stopped and turned to watch him. He tried a crooked smile, while I seized him up as if making up my mind about his suggestion. His green eyes looked desperately into mine, as he started moving nervously under my silence. He led the hand through his hair and bit his bottom lip - that one small reaction almost made me take those two last steps, throw my hands around his neck and kiss the worry away.

“Well yeah - I was hoping you would!” The sight was magical - he lit up. His features, body language - it all lit up like when a damn Christmas tree was turned on and children would clap their hands and giggle in pure joy.

“Oh! Ehm great,” he seemed so relieved, as he took a step closer. Making it harder for me to stay in place, “ehm thanks I guess.” He shook his head with a disbelieving smile.

“I like talking to you,” might as well be honest. And I wanted him to know. More than anything. I wanted to talk with him all night if I could - and 1001 nights more.

A chuckle escaped from deep down in his soul, as we started moving down the street. I loved how he with every second step would come a little closer to me - as if he couldn’t really walk in that straight straight line, but had to move a little out of his way occasionally. I loved how he answered me with his raspy slow voice telling me he liked talking to me too.

We walked in silence for a while, which was strange since I had more questions for him than I could possibly count or keep track of. But it was still a comfortable silence - and I knew what kept me from questioning him. From interrogating him. That dream. That nightmare.

“So you still got that journal or?”

I looked sideways up at him - and to my surprise his jade colored eyes were fastened on me. Interested.

“Yeah,” sending him a careful smile I opened the shoulder bag and retrieved the journal showing him. His eyes grew wide at the sight and he looked up at me with a disbelieving grin. The kind of ‘I-don’t-believe-this’ kind of smile.

“You surprised?” Giggling at his reaction, I watched him do a half shrug half nod.

“Yeah maybe a little - or no. Well you seemed to be even more sorry about losing it than I felt - but… I don’t know really. Maybe I’m just surprised to see it in the hands of someone else?” His brown curls blew in the wind, but he didn’t notice as all, as we made our way through the city. I had an idea of where to go, but I was hardly paying attention to any of the cars, the small up lit windows with all the stories, the neon signs, trying to see the stars though I knew it was impossible. All of those things I usually adored about night time was lost in his green glittering eyes and the way he moved.

“Yeah, yeah that makes sense I guess -” I wanted to ask so many questions, but I didn’t want to scare him off with being too nosey. Normal questions. What were some normal questions to ask someone you'd just met?

“So you in uni here in Chicago or?” That was a pretty normal question right?

“Yeah - no not really. Just working and playing with the band. I came here to stay permanently only some months ago. You?” His answer was so rapid and concluded with such a curious tone, that I chuckled - for what seemed as the thousands time tonight. Was he even real?

“Not anymore. Taking a night course and working in the café - I don’t know really. About the future I mean,” why would he possibly be interested in what I had to tell? “But right now that’s what I’m doing - I don’t think one should worry too much about the future you know? Then you’ll forget to live in the present.”

“Or the past,” Harry added thoughtfully for a second lost in his mystery life. I nodded in agreement.

“So you did go to uni then at some point?” He continued - he kept surprising me with his curiousity.

“Yeah - wasn’t really my thing though. Too many things to live up to you know? You had to dress right, behave a specific way, hand in papers about stuff which only got you stressed out…” I chuckled and shook my head. It seemed as an entire different life, when I had been in uni. So much had changed.

“You?” I slipped it in carefully - remembering that first page in the journal with the dates. I wanted to check it again - but I remembered it describing a specific matter of time with a matching geographical name. I supposed he had been in Washington DC in the beginning of the year - then moved onto to ‘H.U.’ whatever that meant - and lastly ended up here in Chicago.

We stopped at a junction waiting for the light to turn green. The cars racing by, Saturday night laughter echoed through the main street. But I wanted to continue to the Loop area…

“Me? Yeah, yeah I went to uni too… not really my thing - I took off as well. Too many books. And phonies.” As he leaned against the pole of the traffic light a smile was playing on his lips. His eyes kept mine locked to his with that strange magic he seemed to posses. It made the butterflies throw damn parties in my stomach.

“Catcher in the Rye?” I couldn’t help smirking at the realization. I hadn’t read that many classics - but Catcher in the Rye had been one of those we had read in school. And I was pretty damn sure the main character in that book had ditched school too - and talked a lot about his dislike for ‘phonies’. I enjoyed that book.

He let my eyes escape as he looked at the ground briefly, chuckling, “Oh you know that one?" He looked up through the eyelashes at me ,"But yeah - yeah exactly like that book I guess.” He leaned his head against the pole and couldn’t stop smiling at me, that kind of beam which made his dimples show. The kind of smile that could end a worldwar.

“I might not be so damn cultural and great at dead ancient languages as you - but yes. I actually do know that book!” It was said with a grin in my tone, amusement. Maybe even a little teasingly.

“Oh come on! It wasn’t with my good own will I learned those things anyway - “

I couldn’t help thinking how that smile suited him so very well. It was so much better than having him frown - I hoped he would keep smiling every second of every day. That smile could save lives.

Both laughing we sat into motion again as the light shifted. I had packed the journal away again, and stuck my hands deep into my pockets - just like him. And we both kept beaming. All of the time. I really liked that. I really, really liked Harry Styles and his constant, goofy smile.

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a/n: Merry Christmas guys :) Hope you all had a lovely day whether you ate yourself fat in Christmas food or simply had a normal day ^^ Here in Denmark we get presents in the evening on the 24th - we simply can't wait ha! What did you guys get? Anything interesting? 

I hope you liked this chapter! Will update again tomorrow ha ^^ can't help it! Love you loads - and thank you a gazillion billion fantasillion times for all the support. It's making me speechless and overwhelmed every day to see the response from you guys! I wish I had a better less used expression to show my gratitude - but a massive thank you. x 

OBS - posted a completed marcel one shot if you wanna read more ^^