the journal - h.s.

26

Luckily it turned out to be Perrie, who arrived in the little crimson red beetle car, which definitely wasn’t from this century. The headlights were shining almost excitedly out into the night and I could just make out the color of her lilac hair and the wide smile, as she waved to us.

As I waved back at her, Harry went to get Zayn up from his seated position. I stuck my hands in the pockets of my jacket and tried to recall the feeling of Harry’s large hands gently holding down my shoulders. Relax he had told me with his deep comfortable slow voice.

“Hi there - so you’re Amber?” Perrie grinned at me, as she stepped out of the still running car. She had tucked the unzipped jacket around her body and had her arms crossed over her chest to keep it from opening.

“Yeah - thanks for offering me the ride,” I smiled politely back and we shook hands. Her hair had been gathered in a bun and she was wearing glasses - as if she had just taken a break from her late night work with her art project.

“Aw it’s nothing really - so I see you guys had fun?” She smiled widely and moved her attention to Harry who was caring a half asleep Zayn. I noticed her bun was fastened by only a single pencil. Shaking her head slightly she let out a giggle, and as she watched the black haired boy I could have sworn I saw the reflection of freaking cupid or some love fairy sprinkling love dust all over her. The way her eyes lit up, her smile growing wider at the sight of him - hell even just the fact she was willing to come at half three in the night to pick him up. I couldn’t help envy their love - just a little. I smiled at the sight, as I remembered how Zayn had reacted the exact same when he had told me about Perrie - and how he had talked about marrying her. They made a beautiful couple.

Forgetting to answer the question I quickly nodded. God I was tired, “yeah great fun! I think Zayn had one too many cherry shots though.” She joined my laughter just as Zayn caught sight of her.

“Oh god - doesn’t he ever learn? They always leave a mean hangover the day after,” she whispered that last bit at me, not letting her eyes off Zayn who was trying to move faster than he - or Harry could handle. As Perrie thanked Harry again and again - and 'took over' steadying her boyfriend - Jenny came out to say a quick goodbye to the three of us.

She turned to Harry, “you coming up with me?” My heart sunk a little by her question. I didn’t want him to leave just yet - I … I hadn’t even gotten the chance to say goodbye - or at least tell him goodnight. I just had to at least wish him a good night's sleep. I had to. I held my breath waiting for his answer.

He stood there with his hands casually in the pockets of his skinny black jeans - Jenny and me looking at him waiting for the answer. Perrie was busy trying to get Zayn to keep standing.

“It’s fine - I’ll be up in a second.” His raspy voice sounded like love, warm hugs and melted chocolate in the cold sharp nightair - my heart fluttered as if I had been a damn high school girl, whose crush had chosen the seat next to her. I fought to keep back the smile and my eyes escaped to stare at the ground instead of him, as Jenny shrugged and said goodnight to Zayn, Perrie and me one last time. We watched her, as she ran back with her painfully red hair blowing in the wind from her motion.

Perrie gave Zayn a quick kiss on his cheek and I had to turn, because the sight had been so sweet and intimate. I now faced Harry - who was looking at me.

That boy always caught me off guard. Was this going to be the last time I saw him? See those green interesting eyes of his? I wasn’t sure. But something deep down told me it wasn’t. I wasn’t sure if I believed in soulmates - but I knew we had an undeniable connection. I wondered if he felt the same?

“Can I ask you something Harry?” I could hear how Zayn kept telling Perrie about the events of the night, while she tried helping him into the car. But all I had eye for was the tall slender guy with the messy curls, who was crazy enough to only wear a t-shirt in minus degrees. He narrowed his eyes at me the slightest in a suspicious manner, “sure.”

I just had to ask him this one thing - what was the harm if I was never to see him again right? I just knew I would regret it forever if I didn’t.

“Those digits - under the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson - what do they represent?” I decided to just be straightforward not trying to hide my burning curiousness. He seemed puzzled by the question, his eyes searching over me as if to be sure that had actually been my question for him. I could see he bit the inside of his cheek, then his bottom lip - I had noticed he did that a lot - biting his bottom lip absent mindedly.

“The 2nd of September 2013 was the day I arrived at uni and -” what university had he gone to? Why wasn’t he there now? Had he backed out? Been thrown out maybe? Had he… before I could think of more questions he continued; “and the 1st of February 1994 was the year I was born.”

I recalled the quote:

To know even one life

has breathed easier

because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.

 

I understood the connection with his birthday - but why had starting at uni ‘made even one life breathe easier’? I decided not to go with more of the deep questions, but instead point out the obvious, “so your mum must have been over the skies having you then?”

I smiled politely. Of course she had been - most would be overly joyful getting a child - was he her firstborn? Anyhow I decided to go with this harmless question, because he had a chance to simply nod and agree. Maybe even take it as a hidden compliment. She must have been so happy getting a son like him - I could just imagine him as that little boy. Running around the livingroom with an endless stream of questions to everything around him.

He had walked me to the car door, pulled it open for me - and was now leaning against it from the outside. Perrie had finished getting Zayn into the backseat and had just shut the door closed behind her. With only the car door between us we stood quite close, our visible breathes mixing in the cold air. The sound of the running engine was the only noise in the night for a second.

A sad smile had grown over his expression - as if he wasn’t surprised that this would of course be the exact question I would ask. Of all the millions I could have gone with - of course it was this one about his mother. He let out a sigh and held my gaze prisoner.

“I wouldn’t know - she died giving birth to me.”  

[end of flasback]

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a/n: I got this new harry mini story going called 'missing angel' could be ace if you wanna check it out maybe :) x

Also - in the sidebar fanmade 'the journal' book trailer by @StylinsonOops - it's so adorable! Thanks again :) x [if anybody else feel like making stuff for this you're more than welcome! I would love to post it in the sidebar and stuff :) x ]