the journal - h.s.

104

(amber’s pov)

My mind was working on complete overwork; trying to comprehend what the hell had actually just happened. I ended up deciding very quickly I couldn’t take all of this in right now. I let out another deep breath or so I thought; in the end it just came out as a stretched sob from the bunch as my cheeks were completely wet with salty water. I felt like a child; I suddenly couldn’t do or decide anything on my own anymore. I needed time, I needed - I needed this to not be real. I pushed it away; pushed it all away as if fighting for my life trying to lock it all into a cracked box that was about to explode. Another sob ripped through my chest as Liam grabbed my hand carefully - my eyes found him, his lips were moving but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. My eyes flickered to Harry, who stood half hidden in the darkness, paralyzed as he stared at me with a look in his eyes I couldn’t bear. I tried to push it into the box along with everything else. I had to survive this. 

”Amber, love - are you coming? I have the car waiting,” finally Liam's words made sense. I nodded again my sight was completely blurry; as if it was a misty dream scenario. If so why weren’t I waking up from this unbearable pain threatening to rip through me?

Closing my eyes for a second I did it; I forced it away, pushed it into the box with the last strength I could mutter - already scared lifeless what would happen when I decided to open the box. I would do that when I was alone, I couldn’t break down like that right now. 

”Okay,” I answered breathlessly as my eyes flickered open, staying on the floor concentrating on moving my legs. I tried not to care about how Harry hadn’t touched me yet, hadn’t done anything but stand there looking at me perplexed and his dreadfully bloody hands. His eyes flickering to Peter with a gross grimace of disgust and pain. 

I observed, at this moment I didn’t comprehend or thought things through - I simply observed. Saw Liam’s brown strict eyes filled with genuine worry that should tell me this situation was - truly bad. But instead I just observed his features and how my legs started moving. The rip up the side of the dress made it easier to walk I observed, not thinking about how it had come to be - just observing. Harry followed behind me with his head low as Liam led the way. We passed a big guy with dark skin and a dead serious gaze in the brown eyes. In fact he was rather huge and muscular in a black suit like Liam’s and the similar ear piece plugged in. 

”In there, Filip,” Liam stated nodding towards the door we had just left. I observed it. I didn’t think about what Filip was going to see when he entered that room. 

”We need to get out now, Harry,” Liam hurried - the icy tension in his voice didn’t bother me. I simply observed it, heard it, understood it - but didn’t let it get to me. Didn’t understand it fully. 

”I can’t -” and that was Harry’s voice, my dull mind observed. I didn’t know what he was referring to that he thought he wasn’t able to do. I noticed it stung the slightest through the numbness, the way his voice cracked. Suddenly I was swept of the floor by a strong pair of arms. With wide surprised eyes still completely filled with tears I realized it was Liam, ”sorry darling, we need to get out of here now.”

(harry’s pov) 

I couldn’t bear it any longer; the silence. Liam was in the front seat driving - I wasn’t sure where to, but I had a vague idea. I couldn’t quite comprehend why he was helping me, helping us with this - maybe in a try to ease out having left them in the first place? I knew he felt guilty and he was ought to as well. But right now I was just looking at her; she sat in the back of the car next to me, but as far away as she could manage with her head leaned up against the window starring out through the misty window. The city lights in their deep colors of green, red, yellow, blue shun through the drops and the mist; making the most breathtaking color combinations, her diamond necklace sparkled occasionally with sparkles of these deep neon colors. She hadn’t said anything and I was fairly sure I had lost her, one way or another. The tears had dried on her face, though her eye lashes were still wet and sticky, glistening whenever a car passed us.