the journal - h.s.

69

[amber’s pov]

It just looked so endlessly right; the sight of how the claret colored guitar hung in the strap across his slender well-trained body, while looking along over Louis’ shoulder at some sheet papers. It seemed to fit perfectly right there. So natural. The way his grin slowly formed at something Louis stated, the way he without thinking held onto the guitar as his chest moved from the laughter. His eyes had that spark, which I adored so endlessly. The spark that kept him floating. The smile couldn’t even leave my lips if I tried.

I couldn’t stop observing him; the way he was always slightly leaned to his right like that, how he looked at people when they spoke and really listened. How he would constantly remove the wild brown hair from his gorgeous face and touch his bottom lip without thought to it being heartbreakingly sexy. Did he even know?

“Nice view, eh?” Jenny teased me softly as her chuckles made the heat rise in my cheeks. She had just returned back from having abandoned me for a short while to say hi to Sam’s daughter - apparently they knew each other a bit. I was sitting on a bar chair leaned up against the twirling staircase in the other end of the room where all our bags were gathered. Jenny and I had been chatting for a little, while the guys had loosely been playing through a few songs just for warm up, I reckoned  - mixing it with some occasional jamming too.

“I’m just kidding he’s fucking gorgeous,” she crossed her arms and leaned against the side of the twirling staircase, which she had just come down from. I quickly let go of the thought of how I hadn’t noticed her approaching, when she had been so close, while walking down the stairs. Too absorbed with something completely else.

My eyes, which had for a brief moment escaped to the floor at Jenny’s words, couldn’t keep away for any longer. I looked up at him again; he was playing a tune while the others listened. As if trying out something new. My heart was swelling at the mere view, though it had been seconds since the last.

“Yeah, he is,” I spoke softly smiling a little wider at the utter honesty.

“So he hasn’t told me much about anything between you two to be honest, neither to Louis. So he must really, really like you,” Jenny nudged my side as my heart grew impossibly slightly bigger.

“He’s happier as well - or well if you don’t count in the days of complete grumpiness this week. It’s like he’s come alive, you know? He’s always been there - but not his entire self. Just there. Nothing more. It was only when he was playing music like now,” she nodded towards their direction, “that you would get that glimpse. Now I see it all of the time.”

I looked at her my heart not really believing her; I had only really seen Harry like this. With his 'entirety'. Everything he was. But still I faintly recalled the grey dull memory of that guy on the buss with the worried features watching the green light. The memory of him laying on his bed that second time, exhaustion more evident than any poet could express. Had he been like that all of the time before? Just - being there. Closing up everything? Letting no one in or out?

“It's because of you. You make him happy, Amber. And for that I cannot tell you how much I love you,” her small smile broke forth parting the red painted lips.

“He deserves happiness,” I simply told her. Whether I - or anyone else - was the person to help him get that. Whether he could be his own rock and be happy with that. No matter the way; he just deserved more than anyone else to be as happy as he could. Most people would gain most of their happiness while being a child; Harry hadn’t been able to do so. And as unfair as that was it shouldn’t prevent the rest of his life to at least be filled with happiness. No one should be prevented from that; no matter what had occurred in their past.