the journal - h.s.

59

We were about to leave, I was just waiting for her to get back from the toilet. Meanwhile I had retrieved my new journal again from the pocket of my jacket along with the blue ink ball pen I used at the moment. I had a hundred and thousand things I wanted to write down - I had already written down 'swing of death ecuador', 'breaking patterns can be a good thing', 'her favorite color is orange', 'narrows eyes when thinking', 'chili mix of life - Yukkie'.

"What are you writing?" I looked up surprised to the sound of her voice. A smile breaking forth on my lips as it usually did at the sight of her. I could see she had fixed her hair a little, but in a matter of minutes it would probably sit the same as it did when she had left. And she had fixed the makeup a little too. Not much, but just enough so I noticed.

It had me smiling even wider.

"I'm just writing down Mr. Yukkie's words of wisdom," I watched her, absorbed every move, hungered more and more for every inch she got closer.

"Any in spectacular? Cause if you ask me everything he's said tonight has been hella wise!" She smiled that crooked smile at me. I let go off the pen and the journal. Turning on the seat so I was facing her, as she came over on my side of the table.

"Well his wise words about you being some kind of chili mix? I don't know maybe it's because I find you perfectly spicy and delicious, that his words just got to me like that? Or wasn't that what he meant?" I chuckled, as she got close enough to wrap her arms around my waist.

I focused on one of those already again loose strands of hair, putting it back into place as I usually did. Somehow glad to find it in that imperfect way - because then I could help her put it back in perfect place. And I would probably never get tired of doing so.

"Mr. Yukkie sure as hell is a deep character uh?" She joked along with me. Of course that hadn't been what Mr. Yukkie had meant. But it was too good a chance for chili jokes, that it just couldn't be passed by.

"And you're also kind of hot. Which would make me a little more worried, if that was what he meant with the whole you being a chili mix," I could actually see how the blush spread in her cheeks. How her eyes wandered a little down in shyness, how her smile grew totally from my unexpected words.

"I would definitely be worried if that's what he meant too," she said with a lower voice. She was so close it was almost unbearable to having to keep reminding myself where we were at the moment.

"So how's the date been so far? Has it been okay?" It was unexpectedly nice to just have her arms loosely around me, while I drawed childish patterns on her arm. I couldn't help fearing her answer just the tiniest bit. Had it been okay to bring her here? I had had fun at least - but had she? It probably wasn't every girl's dream for that perfect first date...

"It's been absolutely amazing - exotic, unexpected, spicy, amusing. Best first date in history!" Her voice was so lovely and genuine.

"Okay. Okay that's ... ehm that's good. I bet it's all thanks to Mr. Yukkie right?" I couldn't stop smirking from her words. God I wanted to kiss her so badly, I moved closer. My eyes settled on her lips.

"Without doubt!" She went in for a full hug, and in the process escaping my try of kissing her. I threw my arms around her. What had I done? A bit confused I tried enjoying the feeling of how warm she felt and, that her scent of lavender was starting to be my utter most favorite. What had I done wrong? Didn't she want to kiss me? Oh god. What had I done! Was she just waiting to get a chance to get away? Of course she had seen I was about to kiss her.

"Harry?" She asked against my shirt, her voice sounding muffled by the fabric.

"Hmm-mm?" My heart was pounding insanely. And with her ear against my chest she could probably feel and hear it. The signs of me trying to handle the idea of her not wanting to be here with me. What was I going to do? I held my breath, feeling incredibly tense as I waited for her question. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I always screwed things up! My father was right! I was pathetic I - she interrupted my freaking out with her small voice uttering the question I so much feared;