Nanliligaw si Ex??!

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I just wanna break my silence here (or kung bakit hindi na nadugtungan yung story ko). Siguro i-widen lang natin yung pag-accept ng ideas, when it comes to "LOVE" hindi kasi ako ikaw, at hindi ikaw yung ako. At sa past relationship ko, ito ang mga natutunan ko. Tagalog-English na lang ha, para hindi masyadong savage pakinggan kapag pure tagalog :D here it goes...

It's become far too super duper common lang nito. I've tried trusting people but I've learned that trusting someone doesn't make them trustworthy, and being honest with someone doesn't guarantee me the truth. This is why it hurts (Sobra bes!). Giving everything to someone who only provides just enough and even then it's not enough (or zero na talaga). if you're with someone who constantly hides things from you. Accepting relationships where your partner either hides you or hides something from you kahit ba kung magkano na lang laman ng wallet niya di niya masabi yung totoo, even if never ka naman nag beg for something costly; tells you lies and makes you feel like you're crazy for wanting what you deserve kasi ma-pride talaga ako, inaamin ko yun, kasi for me, hindi enough ang "sorry " sa lahat ng kasalanan there's no time to move forward agad agad dapat usap muna bakit niya nagawa kaso ayaw niya pag-usapan. boo!

Accepting relationships where you're never truly secure in knowing exactly how they feel about you, magkaiba pa nga yung kinikilos sa sinasabi and so you question it, you over think and destroy yourself ,yung tipong may pasok ka pa mamaya pero eto ka, madaling araw maga na naman ang mata kasi nga you're worrying over, and over about the status of your relationship.

I move on!

Oo mahirap, kase almost 6 years? Your ex always force feed you na sinayang mo lang ang ilang years kahit siya naman mismo ang may symptoms ng "fuck boy " material. and nakiuso sa "Mahal ko o Mahal ako?" ni Kz. boo!

You're constantly ignoring the warning signs kahit sobrang obvious na na... "never ka talagang ENOUGH para sa kanya, you're constantly uncovering the truth as they continue to force feed you lies but you're just "uh? okay. again."

again...

It's time to move on!

Tama pala yung advice ng friend ko. "Kung di mo talaga kaya, dahan-dahanin mo lang, mag-move-on ka habang kayo, or nanliligaw ulit sayo"

Paano? Here's mine... I let myself to be alone, most of the time. I analyzed every seconds and feelings na pag andyan siya or wala. I pushed my self to the limit na kunwari wala akong naalalang kasalanan niya, but his presence lang. Parang "killing YOU softly" lang and datingan. For own good na rin naman.You know what I've realize?

There's no much difference pala yung andyan siya at kapag mag-isa ako. Sasamahan ka niya whenever magsabi ka ng kailangan mo ng kasama , andyan siya. But he will use it kapag may kasalanan siya. Babanatan kpa ng "hindi naman ako nagkulang sayo ah!" so ano nga ba ang isasagot ko dun? (panissss!)

Yung tipong may na-involve na naman na ibang tao pero mag-bibirthday ka kaya dun siya bumawi sayo, so I can't spill the beans on our group of friends yung nalaman ko, kasi nga naman sinurprise naman ako, kaya bawi na. (mautak!) but then,

I'd realized that... I'm already a piece of shit. I forgot every detail on how can I feel to be treated right, again. Masyado akong nagpalamon sa sistemang "Kaya ko pa siyang baguhin" Masyadong kong naging favorite ,yung line niya na "Ikaw lang talaga!" Patay na patay na ako, yung feelings ko, yung isip ko sa pag-accept ng ideas kung may totoo pa ba. But all of these arguments just ended up na tahimik ako. Pinili kong mapag-isa. Nagwork ako kahit straight pa yan, makalimot lang. And also , his "fuck boy" symptoms hits me one last time. "Ayokong mawala ka sakin kasi ayokong maging masama ang tingin ng ibang tao sakin, dahil alam kong magkukwento at magkukwento ka sakanila" said He.

To that such point of my life, I learned and realized soooo much things. Including the idea of even your long-time friends will never be always there for you ,but for him who breaks me. Hindi pa alam ang side ko pero kung maka-react alam na ang ending.

But then naging motto ko na lang yung "kapag nasaktan ka, magpaganda ka!"

Here is literally someone out there awaiting the opportunity to love you correctly. there is literally someone out there who will provide you with transparency, truth and security within your relationship, hindi agad agad pero atleast, luckily may na-inlove ulit sa isang Maldita since broken (with a heart!).

Kasi nga you'll never find love, holding on to someone who doesn't love you unconditionally. You can't find peace in a relationship with someone who can only provide chaos and emotional destruction.

dont worry guys, Ngayon, okay na ako. prinsesa ulit. at hindi hahayaang maging piece of shit ulit.

thank you for reading til end.

sincerely,

Niña

ps.

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