If you've ever wanted to fall away

Someone stole my car radio and my air catcher

I have had it with life. I can't seem to move forward with anything and I push everyone away because I feel they can't help. Even if they say they can, I know otherwise. Except for two people. They know who they are and they are my best friends, been with me through thick and thin, have stuck by me when shit hit the fan, and I have to say that I am only child, because those two people are my imaginary friends. You see, I am an only child and I got lonely playing by myself, so I made up two people who would always be my best friends. I do have real friends, don't worry, they are also my best friends, but these two can actually do something about the way I feel.

Do you want to know how I feel? Because I don't even know anymore. But I will tell you anyway.
I feel as though I don't belong on this planet, as though I am a waste of space and just here to be a verbal punch-bag, as though I'm not supposed to exist. And for what, so society can watch me suffer, knowing no-one cares except for my best friends, knowing I will die, and people will act as though they cared when they don't. My mum pisses me off so much, that I get angry and lash out, she tells me off for attitude and I get all weird and emotional, knowing I didn't mean it. She does too, she knows i didn't mean it, but she doesn't care, she wouldn't care if I died right now, if I just disappeared.

Maybe I want to.
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But that will never happen because society wants to watch me suffer in silence, hoping no-one hears my pleas for help. I need to die. We need to die. This world needs to die. Society needs to die. I hate myself, I hate how I am,who I am, what I am. People at school think I am fine, that I'm just tired, when they don't know the truth. I am not just tired, I am sick, depressed, alone, anxious, inept, reclusive, hermit-like.. I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, and I probably won't be, but I feel so socially awkward, reclusive, inept, alone, anxious. I think I have social anxiety, depression, and I am very panicky and shy. I don't know if I even have any of these, but every time I am asked to read infront of the class, I get scared. Every time I meet someone new, I get panicky and anxious, and  can't help but shake at the thought of meeting someone new.
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Afraid of the unknown, the future and what will follow, hurting myself to the point I can't move but I can still feel everything, like I fractured my spine, but I can feel the searing pain that goes with it as I'm paralysed on the floor. I am afraid of being hurt, by friends, family, bullies, my crush, my ex, anyone I trust. I can't get over my breakup with my ex, as he broke up with me, telling me he didn't love me anymore, yet he doesn't talk to me, as we agreed to be friends. I'm just so confused about what to do about life, and the situation with my sexuality. One day I feel like a boy with short hair, the next I feel like a girl with long hair, then the day after I feel male with long hair, the day after I feel feminine with short hair, and the day after that I feel male, the day after I feel female, the day after I feel feminine but I don't want  boobs. I. AM. SO. CONFUSED.