If you've ever wanted to fall away

i now i don't have a purpose just yet, but i will find one

Hi guys, I know this hasn't really been a book about MCR and TØP but it has turned into a rant book, and I just want to say that I appreciate all that read it and continue to, I only update this when I'm bored or pissed off so that's gonna happen a lot. I wanted to make this chapter, not on me moving on from this book, but from moving on with my life in general. I have just realised the true meaning of life, or I think I have I'm not sure but I have found a reason to live. And that reason is for my best friend. His name is angel-goku as I'm not revealing his real name, he isn't on wattpad, but we have supported each other through times of hate and despair, when everything seemed lost or forgotten to Hades, lost dreams and hopes, lost feelings.

I fell in love with a guy called Sam earlier this year, and I was smitten. Completely in love, and I felt safe with him, his hugs, his sweetness (in NO WAY smutty) and his love for yugioh. Before, I had a gaping void as a soul, and meeting him filled that void, as if I had found my soulmate, but he fell out of love with me, and the gaping void in my soul decided to crack into my heart and break a hole in that too. Then i met someone else (he has a girlfriend and it's not me) you guessed it, it's angel-goku, and I became his little sister, I realise he has a girlfriend and I know it isn't me, but I just want to let him know. It kills me everyday to know that I can't express my feelings and yet I'm happy for him. And then there is Sam, I know that I still love him somehow, but he doesn't realise that, and for that reason I have chosen to move forward with life, to know I am too good for him if he doesn't realise that. And I know I may repeat myself but I'm making a point to myself, that i can make it somewhere in life if I try. The situation with my big brother, angel-goku, is that I am happy for him, but I am waiting for that one day, that single day where I can walk up to him and express my feelings and not care. Not care who is listening watching or anything I don't care. I now have found  a reason to carry on, for my big brother's sake, and my own. To all you people out there who think no-one loves you, no-one cares, just remember, I am here. I fully support anyone who needs help, whether they are cutting, vandalising or doing drugs, know that through these very words I am here for you.