If you've ever wanted to fall away

another rant thing

Hi I know it's been a while and in sorry for not updating as much..... But I need to get this off my chest because I feel like it's suffocating me.

Put me in a mental institution,hospital,halfway house or insane asylum. Strap me into a straight jacket and leave me in a padded cell. Don't try to cure me, for
it doesn't exist. Im not treatable. My illness is not curable and I feel myself slowly slipping away from my own "all that is good" morals. I feel the slow descent into madness calming, as I am giving in to my demons and im doing it with a smile on my face. I wanted to get this down because if I dont, then like the rest of the world, you all think im fine. Im not, Im completely and utterly done with life. I feel more useless than a bucket without a bottom, or the toy that's easy to fix but no-one can be arsed, or even a toy that's so broken, it's having an existential crisis. Im constantly having anxiety attacks and panicky right feelings in my chest, making it hard to breathe. My ankles feel like ive broken them sometimes and so do my wrists. I haven't been self-harming but it's pain on the inside of my joints. I have a constant tight feeling in my head, like a constant headache. I stutter sometimes or my breath is shaky and I start breathing heavily, in short, fast takes. I can't even tell my mum because, Even though I can apparently tell her anything, I feel unsafe telling her this. And that's because of the way she shouts at me and calls me up on things I haven't done. I say something, apparently I just gave her attitude and now I can't do something. I feel so stupid because of my teachers giving me high targets when I can't even get a C on most tests.
Send this to every halfway house, mental hospital or institution, insane asylum or anything and show them this. When they ask why they should take in someone who they cannot cure, tell them that Im a monster, a freak and I am basically satan. I feel descended from wolves or tigers and I can't hold that back. I hiss at people if they take my hat or make stupid comments about my love life or my personal problems. Please send help. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Oh, and school is still a prison.