hopelessly devoted // e.d.

Chapter 5

"WHY WOULD HE LET GO?! HE COULD HAVE GOTTEN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANK OF WOOD TO BALANCE IT OUT!" I scream at the laptop.

Ethan, Grayson, and I were watching sad movies to distract Ethan. We had already went through a tub of ice cream each and are starting on the cookie dough. Cameron thought it might help Ethan if he got all the sadness out of him all at once so that he wouldn't have to hurt as much.

After watching The Notebook, A Walk To Remember, The Fault in Our Stars, and Titanic, we decided it was time to switch genres.

"How about 21 Jump Street? Comedy?"

"Ok," was all Ethan spoke. My eyes locked with Grayson and frowned. I'm trying my best to help Ethan, but I've never been in his situation. Too ugly to have been in an actual relationship.

We stream the movie on the TV and laugh when necessary. Grayson let out mighty roars. I'd laugh at him laughing. Ethan would just smile and focus once again on the movie and his cookie dough.

I decided I had enough of this.

"Ok it's getting late. Grayson, I think you should go to bed."

Grayson nodded and headed up to his room after saying goodnight.

As Ethan begins to make his way off the couch I stop him saying," No you're staying up with me a little longer. I don't care whether or not it's 2am. We're going for a walk."

"Skylar, no. I just want to be alone."

His voice breaks a bit as he chokes back more tears. I can hear the double meaning in his statement. It breaks my heart.

I sink back down into the couch, look Ethan in his glassy eyes, and intertwine our fingers together. I felt shivers run down my spine. I push away my own feelings as I focus on Ethan's.

"You're not gonna be alone. Not ever. At least while I'm here," I sigh, "I know you're still in love with her. She still has your heart and she hasn't given it back to you. But you don't need Julie in order to be happy. She wasn't the only person who cared about you."

"Yeah...but she was the only one I gave my heart to. I trusted her with it because I thought I had her heart. I guess not," he lets out a dry humorless laugh, "All she did with it was throw it on the ground and put a sledgehammer to it."

I squeeze his hand tighter.

"But you still have a heart. It may not be your own, but it's still fully there and full of love."

"What heart? Julie took mine and I don't even have hers like I thought I did," Ethan clenches his jaw.

I bring our entwined hands to where my own heart is, "You have mine. I've known you for not even two months, but I know what type of person you are. You're the type of person I'd trust with my heart. And if you'll accept it, then you can have a heart of your own. Mine."

Ethan pulls me into his chest. His muscular arms are locked around my waist. My arms wound around is neck and I ran my fingers through his scalp.

We stayed like this for a while. Five minutes turned into ten minutes. Ten minutes turned into fifteen minutes.

I feel Ethan start to go limp in my chest. He's dozing off. Gently, I lay him across the sofa bed and tuck a pillow under his head. A blanket then gets draped over his body.

Ethan shifts, getting into a comfortable position in his fatigued state. When he finally stills, I lean down and place a lingering kiss on his forehead.

"Good night Ethan."

As I'm silently moving off the bed, Ethan's arm drapes over my legs. I look down at him.

"Stay," he mumbles with his eyes slightly parted open.

I agree and grab another pillow. I place it down beside his and turn my body opposite his, keeping my space from this heartbroken spirit.

"Come closer. Please. I don't want to feel alone anymore."

I reluctantly agree. He's still in an unclear state of mind. I face him and move closer. I still kept a good 6 inches of space between us.

Suddenly, he pulls me into his chest. His face buries into my hair. One arm is under his head whilst the other keeps me close with his hand placed over the small of my back.

"Good night Skylar. I love you," Ethan trails off, falling asleep. My body tenses as the last part of his statement was still coherent to me.

I look up and say in a soft whisper, "I love you too. But you'll never know that, will you?"

My eyes become too heavy for me to keep open. I fall into a state of darkness. A place where only my dearest dreams take place. A place where reality slips away.

A place where everything is too good to be real.

Nothing is real, until it hurts. Only then do we realize that dreams are far fetched and are only an escape from the treacherous ways of reality.