hopelessly devoted // e.d.

Chapter 18

Ethan and I's lips fit each other like a jigsaw puzzle. His kiss was tender yet full of passion and desire. 

His hand trailed up my side, sending shivers up my spine, until he reached the base of my neck. He deepened the kiss.  His tongue swept my bottom lip, begging for entrance. Like putty in his hands, I obliged with eagerness. He explored every inch of my mouth. Every crevice. Every edge.

A boost of confidence filled my body. I mustered all my strength and flipped the two of us by surprise and straddled Ethan's waist. He quickly adjusted to this new position by placing one hand just above my ass with the other tangled in my hair.

In this new position I felt something now poke my thigh. Instinctively, my hips started rolling into his. A low groan left Ethan's lips. His mouth moved to my neck and he began to feather kisses onto my neck. 

My breath caught in my throat when his lips brushed over a bundle of nerves on my neck. His lips hovered over the spot for a second, his warm breath on my skin caused the hairs on my back of my neck to rise. He attached his lips to the sensitive patch of skin and began to kiss it with an occasional suck.

Before things got too far, Ethan pulled away. He knew I had boundaries and he respected them. 

His lips were red and swollen. His hair was a mess. I probably looked the same way. 

Our bodies disconnected, the both of us breathing heavily. 

"Is that what I've been missing?" Ethan said.

I give a shy smile and push a loose strand of hair behind my ear. I fiddled with my fingers. I suddenly felt so nervous and I didn't know why. Maybe this is the fear of rejection.

"Sky..."

I looked up into Ethan's beautiful hazel brown eyes. He grasped my small hand in his large one. 

"Yeah?"

"What happens now?" Ethan asked.

My eyes searched his for some sort of sign. Should I tell him how I really feel? It could ruin our friendship forever, one side of me says, but the other is telling me to go for it. This may be one of those life changing moments that pass you by if you don't take a risk.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a moment, trying to make the decision.

"Ethan," I say looking him in his eyes, "I've liked you since that first day on the beach. I didn't know I liked you then but I learned not too long after that I do. I really do like you. It hurt so damn much when you would talk about Julie in a way I wanted to be talked about."

"And then you two split and you were devastated. That hurt me more than anything. I--I never wanted to see you like that ever again. But you went back to her and there was nothing I could do," my eyes started to become glassy when Ethan broke eye contact with me. I tore my hands away.

"From the look in your eyes I can see that you don't feel the same way. Just tell and maybe the feelings will just stop. Maybe then there'll be something left of our friendship to salvage. If not, Ethan you gave me the best few months. You'll always have a place in my heart."

Ethan's face softened and said, "Sky...I don't know how to feel. I've just never thought about you like that before. Just give me time to--"

"Time that you could be spending with someone you care about. I might not like it but you still love Julie. You made her fall in love with you once. You'll do it again," with traitorous tears falling onto my cheeks I say, "When you care fore someone in a way like that, there's no thinking involved. Your heart knows what it wants, and it's just not me."

"Skylar, don't do this. You're still my best friend," Ethan said. Ouch. Friendzoned already.

"I know. You're still mine. But right now I just need some time alone. Please go home Ethan," I beg.

Ethan hesitantly gets off the bed and pauses at the doorway. He turns around at looks at me with tears in his own eyes.

"I'll see you at school right?"

"Sure."

He closes the door behind him. I hear Ethan's heavy feet go down the stairs and I hear him close the front door.

I took a risk and this was my reward.

My eyes squeeze shut as I bury my face into the cotton pillows. I'm so stupid. Why would I do that? I just ruined one of my greatest friendships by making everything awkward. Yeah he was the one who kissed me but still. Brain, don't you remember all those cliche best-friend-accidentally-kisses-other-best-friend-and-everything-is-fine-when-nobody-says-anything moments?

No? I guess not cause you are being STUPID. 

My sobs shake my whole body. It's all my fault. 

It's all your fault. It's all your fault. It's all your fault.

Those four words repeat in my head until the exhaustion drags me down.

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sorry for the late update. ive been studying for midterms/finals. whatever you call it in your region lol

Chapter goal:
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