bathroom stalls » mileven

vingt

"thank you," el said, digging through her jacket pocket for a sharpie. she pulled it out, twirling it between her fingers.

"what for?"

"for being here for me. for liking me and accepting me."

"yeah, i do like you."

"i like you a lot, mike," el whispered, "and that's why i'm afraid."

"don't be. i'm here. we live in the moment."

"but the moment ends. something happens tonight; i feel it."

"el, we should be fine. you've made it this far."

"mike, i came back because of a flaw, because the gate wasn't destroyed."

"i thought you said someone was trying to kill you," mike said, backing away from el. "were you lying?"

"no," el exasperated. "they're both happening."

"why didn't you tell me the gate was still open?"

"what do you think i do when i'm not with you? i'm trying to close that gate. i'm trying to figure out who is killing me." el pulled up her coat sleeve, revealing her arm. her veins were pronounced and stark against her pale skin.

"what the hell is happening to you?" mike softly asked as he grabbed her hand.

"i don't know," el replied just as quietly, letting a tear slide down her cheek.

"don't cry. you'll run your makeup." el smiled, brushing her tears away. "no place in the world i would rather be," mike said, writing this quote first.

el wrote her quote, letting a small tear slide down her cheek. "good-byes hurt the most when the story isn't finished."

people don't understand that one doesn't need a reason to be sad. sometimes, they can't help it. they're sitting alone in their room, tears cascading down their face. there was no moon. there was no light, and that mirrored his or her future. because one doesn't always need a reason to be sad. sometimes there are genuinely no reasons to be sad. everything could be going perfectly for someone, yet in every waking moment, all they could think about was how blissfully marvelous it would be to end that pain.

people don't understand how low one would have to be to consider taking their life. to think that the only way out was to kill themself as if their death could fix everything. one had to be so low that there was no plausible way to ever be happy again. that whatever happiness they thought they had, was forever gone due to some outside force.

people don't understand, and no matter how much they think they know, they will never ever know the truth. because if truth was a snake, it would have had her for dinner. it would have swallowed her whole. the world was cruel. it was cruel to take her away. it was cruel to make her the chosen one, the one who would fix everything.

she was a tragic hero.

and maybe that was why eleven understood why she died. because she understood and knew that she was going to die, and forever wasn't forever. if forever truly and deeply meant forever, el would have stayed in mike's arms and let the world pass her by.