circles // laucy

such a top

"u kissed me."

Lauren's jaw clenches as she reads the text. She immediately typed an agitated response: "No, you kissed me."

"u kissed me back tho..."

"Well it was a mistake. I'm straight, Mila. Let's forget it ever happened."

She doesn't get a response but hears the other girl shift in her bunk. And if she hears a sniffle she pretends she doesn't. To escape any feelings of guilt Lauren puts in her headphones. But of course the first song that comes on shuffle is by The 1975.

She really didn't mean to kiss Camila back. It was just the moment and the way the girl looked. So vulnerable and small and willing to do anything for her. It's like she had to kiss back or she'd feel about as bad  as she would feel about kicking a puppy. And maybe she didn't totally hate it but that's besides the point.

She's still straight. No matter what her fans think, no matter what her bandmates think, no matter what her best friend thinks.

She and Alexa had had a huge fight over the phone exactly one week ago and they haven't communicated in any way since then. Which is a big deal considering their friendship hasn't been on hiatus for this long like ever. And now she's not talking to Alexa for the same reason she's not talking to Vero or Lucy.

She really just wishes people would leave her alone about this. Maybe if people close to her would stop calling her out like they do she could have a normal, functioning relationship with a good guy. The only form of male attention she'd received lately was through trashy hookups and those didn't even go past kissed. Not like she's ever gone past kissing with a guy. (A fact that didn't really help her whole I'm straight case.)

She thinks about texting Alexa for about 3 songs, then she thinks about texting Vero for another 2, and Camila for the next, then she thinks about texting Lucy until she falls asleep.

When Normani wakes her up the next morning for rehearsals Lauren feels like she's dying. She barely got any sleep, of course. When she manages to get out of her bunk and into some clean work out clothes she thinks of all the ways she can avoid Camila. But not one way is completely waterproof. She's gonna have to pretend like it never happened. She can't help but chuckle as it reminds her of the first time she and Lucy kissed. They'd both pretended they were too drunk to remember when in fact they'd both remembered as they confessed to each other in a game of truth or dare six months later right before hooking up again.

My life is a real mess. Lauren thinks as she walks into the studio where all the girls are already seated on the floor waiting for the choreographer. And she goes out of her way to not sit near or across from Camila, which proves to be difficult to pull off without everyone that's not an idiot realizing something is up.

"Hey Lauser, how was The 1975?"

"So fucking dope. They're amazing." Lauren can't stop herself from glancing at Camila who's playing with the strings of her sweatpants, looking even worse for wear than she herself feels. She feels a tinge of guilt at the sight of the small girl and has never been this thankful for their choreographer, who enters the room and immediately tells them to get up for warm up.

"Morning to you too." Dinah mutters sassily, sparking giggles from Normani and Ally, before they all get up and in starting position.

Lauren messed up all the steps and she's glad Camila messes them up most of the time in rehearsal so she can't tell if anything about the girl is off. Even though she knows there is. At least she can pretend.