circles // laucy

i like girls

"Hey mom, can I talk to you about something?"

It's the night before Lauren's leaving for the holidays with Lucy's family and she's shaking on her parents' couch.

"Of course, anything mija, you know that." Her mother's eyebrows crease with concern at Lauren's shakily uttered words.

"I do, I know, it's just." She sighs heavily and repositions herself so she's sitting on her own hands. It doesn't help the shaking much.
"This is thing is pretty big and scary for me right now." She sucks her lips into her mouth as she looks at her mother, waiting for the woman's eternal warmth to encourage her to continue. And they do as her mom scoots a little more towards her and places a comforting hand on her knee.

"Mom, I like girls." Her gaze is trained on the patterned carpet, tracing the shapes with her eyes the same way she used to walk on them as a kid to keep herself calm, the words sink in. She feels like they riffle thought the living room she grew up in, forever altering the image she built and worked on conserving in this house.

"My Lolo,"

Lauren closes her eyes as her mom's warm tone, followed by an even warmer hug, flush away her anxiety in soft waves.

"That's okay. More than okay, that's beautiful."

Lauren nods, allowing herself to relax in the woman's arms, "Good." She swallows in an attempt to moisten her dry throat, "Good."

"So you and Lucia." Clara's words are teasing and conclusive and Lauren realizes her mom's no fool, unlike she herself was for many years.

She nods, "Me and Lucia. If luck is on my side."

"Oh mija, this isn't about luck." Clara sits upright again to look at her daughter, leaving one arm around her waist, "Luck is for the ill prepared. This is in your own hands." She takes Lauren's smaller hands in her own to illustrate her words.

"Mami, did you know before I told you?"

"Under no other circumstance would I let my daughter spend the holidays on an entirely different continent." Clara winks at her, and it's full of love. "And if you don't come back with a worthy hijastra for your father and me you're cleaning all the mess from our New Year's party and you know how messy those get."

Of course it's an empty threat but it's encouraging nonetheless and causes Lauren to finally crack a smile, dissolving the last remains of tension left.

"Oh, now I'm definitely motivated."

"Knew that would do the trick," Clara continues the joke before getting a little more serious, "Now go pack for your trip. And I'm not letting you get away with taking your tour suitcase, that I know is still completely packed and under your bed."

Lauren rolls her eyes and gets up, "You know you were a cool mom for like 2 seconds." She tries to sound genuinely annoyed but she can't stop herself from grinning at her mother before she disappears upstairs to pack.

The next morning Carlos Vives' large pickup stops in front of the Jaureguis' house way too early for Lauren's liking. Who books an 8 am flight?! She continues ranting to herself mentally until she spots Lucy in the backseat, and their eyes meet. She quickly hugs her mom and wishes her a Merry Christmas before her dad lifts her in the air slightly and squeezes her tightly, "Merry Christmas, Lolo, and get your girl." He puts her down and takes both her shoulders. She smiles at him, "I will."

She quickly hugs him again until she hears the trunk close, indicating her suitcase is in it and they're ready to go. She waves at her parents one last time before walking towards the car where the love of her life is sitting and looking at her, a small, drowsy smile on her face and a travel pillow in her neck that makes her cheek that's facing Lauren seem a little chubbier. She looks so small and young and as Lauren's heartbeat speeds up she feels just as young.

Lauren soon figures the drive won't be too intimate though as there's a space between them that's about the size of two children's safety seats. Lauren smiles at the sleeping toddlers before greeting Lucy in a whisper, "Morning."

"Morning."

Lucy's groggy morning voice brings back a few memories that make her realise yet again how ungrateful teenage Lauren was. Too young and dumb to realize exactly what kind of a privilege waking up next to Lucy really is. Now she's pretty sure she'd consider selling one of her non vital organs if it meant more mornings like that. Warm, and maybe a little sore, with bare, soft skin snug against her own like two matching pieces of a puzzle. For a second it makes her ache and she's so lost in the thought of it that when she looks at her friend again the girl's followed her agnate siblings' example.

The last thing Lauren sees before she drifts off as well is Lucy's dad smiling at her welcomingly through the rearview mirror.