January 5, 2014
Just got home from The Hills Of Zion City Church. Rev. Norman Holmes was the speaker, which was unexpected. He preached a lot of things that has entirely blew my mind, strucked my heart, and tugged at my soul.
Flashback....Few hours ago...
I was on my way home from work. I was looking at the big blue sky. Just looking. Noticing for the first time the beauty of the things around me. How come I never appreciate this before? Because I was looking on an entirely different direction. Because my eyes and flesh were devoured and hooked to the different type of "beauty". Because I am unholy and my mind is filthy, that I can't see clearly what lies beyond me. I closed my eyes, trying to feel something inside me and there it was---the HOLE, the MISSING PIECE, the EMPTINESS, the FUTILE part of my heart and soul. In the middle of the sidewalk, I stopped and opened my eyes.
"Why? Why can't I be a faithful and loyal servant? Why can't I do the things that I'm supposed to do? Why is it so hard for me to obey the Lord? Why is it that the fire burning in my soul's weakening instead of buildin' up? Why is it that everytime that I try to preach and share Your gospel I always back out? Why is that I can't tear myself away from wordly books and let my body pick the Bible instead? Why can't I control myself? Why don't I have the will? Why I am losing perseverance? Why am I like this?" I asked the Lord, keeping myself from crying.
"I am trying. There's a part of me who wants to be a full time Christian but there's this part that I can't remove from my flesh who wants to engage itself into NONSENSE-SINFUL ACTIVITIES. I want to be closer to You, I want to be drawn near to You, I want be LIKE YOU, but my flesh is not moving. MY FLESH. MY FLESH. Why do I have a minute faith?" I screamed. I was so ashamed of myself, not because I look stupid infront of those passers-by, but because I'm not worthy to carry the Name of the Lord. I should not call myself a Christian, cause I don't act like one. I'm just starting and I let myself fall to the stinking lake of darkness too early. I know that I'm not doing the right thing but why do I keep on doing it? Because "they're" whispering into my ear, sending pleasures into my spine, electrifying my flesh. That's how they tempt me. That's how weak I am. Tch.
Looking at it, I asked myself: How far will I go? Will I stumble and fall on my first step? Just like that?
After a few more mumbling and self-deprivation, I decided to continue walking and went home. And guess what? I went straight to my bed, opened my wattpad app, and read a Sci-Fi book. ITS EESHLEEKING SUNDAY and I'm reading a Fiction book? When will I ever learn my lesson? How can I change myself?
When I felt that something is not right, I suddenly looked at the wall clock and WOOSH. Its 9:30 already and the service normally starts at 9:00 AM ! I immediately fixed myself, grabbed my Bible and notebook, and walked out of the house.
When I arrived at the church, I felt a little bit awkward. I said to myself:
"Why bring yourself here? Have you no shame at all? Standing before the Lord like you're one good little girl? SINNER!"
I cried the moment I sang. I cried and poured my emotions to it. I asked for forgiveness, like I always do. And my alter-ego said:
"What's the use of it? You're gonna do it all over again, anyway. HYPOCRITE!."
The entire worship time, I was fightin' the other 'me' because I can't put my whole heart into what I was doing. But when Rev. Norman stepped in the center of the stage and greeted each one of us, I knew that this is going to be something else.
I didn't notice that I was crying again until a consecutive drops of warm liquid landed on my hands which were rested on my lap. He talked about the 3 kinds of people who will be waiting on the entrance of the Gates of Heaven.
The first one: A person with a lot of accomplishments, did a lot of things for God, shared the words that were written on the scriptures, introduced Jesus Christ to a lot of citizens, lead innumerable people to God, followed the law of God, lived like Christ, loved and served God until his very last breath. He will be given abundant rewards and will be greeted by thousands and millions of angels and people and there will be a big gathering and bands for his arrival.
The Second one: A person who always go to church, who knows and accepted Jesus Christ as hi personal Saviour, who gives tithes regularly, who loves and adore Jesus, who did few recognizable accomplishments for the Lord Our God. Will enter the gates but the space for him were just enough for him to stride in. Rev Norman set an example of this man.
" A man was told by his Pastor that he will go to heaven because he's a good person and he follows the will of the Lord. But he weeped and kneeled before him so the Pastor asked why is he sad. He said he cant face the Lord, he's ashamed of what little things he did, he has nothing to show to God, he barely reads his Bible, he rarely prays. He doesn't speak of God in front of his friends, he Has accomplished nothing."
Another example,
A rich Christian man who was about to die cried to the Lord, saying "I have succeeded in life. I made myself wealthy, I have a lot of treasures that my fingers can't count anymore. But I have forgotten my first love and my mission as a Christian. I have earned a lot of things in this world but nothing that I can bring with me in the Heaven. Here I am, going to die and will face the Lord My Redeemer, with nothing to offer. I, one of the richest man in the world, will be the poorest one in the Kingdom of the Lord."
I cried, because I know, I know that I'm aligned with them. How can I earn if I can't even stay away from temptations?
The Third type were those who will be rejected. They will say that they have preached and has done a lot of things for the Lord but Jesus will tell those people that He doesn't recognize any of them.
22"Many will say to Me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in Your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles?'23"And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; DEPART FROM ME, YOU WHO PRACTICE LAWLESSNESS.' ---Matthew 7:22-23
This day was VICTORIOUS, GLORIFYING, AND A BLESSED ONE...I went in front and was prayed over by our pastor. I sobbed so hard that I wasn't able to restrain myself from shaking. I asked for wisdom, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, and Godliness. And this time, I'm gonna make this happen. Starting today, I'll start a brand-new beginning. Fresh and ready to serve the LORD ALMIGHTY!!!! HALLELUJAH! ALL PRAISES AND HONOR AND GLORY BE UNTO GOD!!!!!!!
2 Peter 1:5-10
New King James Version (NKJV)
Fruitful Growth in the Faith
5 But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, 6 to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, 7 to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. 8 For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For he who lacks these things is shortsighted, even to blindness, and has forgotten that he was cleansed from his old sins.
10 Therefore, brethren, be even more diligent to make your call and election sure, for if you do these things you will never stumble; 11 for so an entrance will be supplied to you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
P.S.
I'll be removing most of my books because it doesnt help me, it doesn't feed any of your souls, it doesn't lift any of your spirits. It's rippin' me away from my Christianity. Thanks for those who thought they were good, who voted, and who gave feedbacks, by the way. I appreciate it. My hands and brain should be used to something useful. :) God Bless U, guys.
