Random Stuff

eh

You can leave now if you want. It's probably gonna be another very personal thing.

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I hate today, though I've already told you that two parts ago. I cried three times at school. I cried for more than an hour at school, probably two hours. Because of that, I missed two of my classes. I couldn't play in Band cause I was crying, and after that, I left Algebra within the first five minutes to go to the office, where I sat for the rest of the period, trying to calm down. Then I went to my last class of the day, Science, where one of my best friends is. She is amazing and super nice, and never makes fun of me. She always tries to help when I'm sad or crying, which is, unfortunately, often. She doesnt judge me, she doesn't make fun of me, she's just an amazing friend, and I only met her this year. And at Science, she asked if I was okay, cause we have Algebra together and she saw me crying and saw when I left to go to the office. She asked if I was okay, and I said yes, just like I said to anyone else who asked if I was okay. Even when I was crying, I told people I was fine, though it was obvious I wasn't. I just...I don't know.

I hate telling people about my problems and I hate showing stuff like that cause I know people don't actually care. Everyone acts like they care but they don't. If they did, then I'd have someone to talk to when I need someone to talk to, but I don't.

Every so often, I'll explode or break down or both. And it's always at school, cause I can't do it anywhere else.

At my house, I can't do anything. I can't talk to anyone, I can't get help, I can't cry. Cause then my sister will make fun of me and laugh at me and yell at me and she won't stop bothering me. And I don't want to do any of that at school, cause then people will make fun of me even more than they already do. And my "best friend" will make fun of me and insult me and make me feel like I'm nothing. That's what everyone does. They do all these things and make me feel like I'm worthless, nothing. Like I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be me. Like I don't belong here, with other humans, with other people. And there's very few people who can help bring me back up. Very few, only two or three.

So every so often I'll have these breakdowns, where I can't stop crying because I haven't let my emotions out in a long time. Cause I'm not able to. And even when I was crying, my "best friend" was being really mean to me. And it was raining, so it was all around a horrible day.

The reason I don't go into detail or really say at all what's wrong is cause I know you guys don't care, and I wouldn't want to give you more information you don't care about.

Also, typing everything out isn't the best way for me to get everything out. Especially when I know no one will read or see it. I don't have anyone to talk to, irl or online.

Anyway, I'm sure you've had enough of me by now. Bye.