The heart of a poet

im sorry

i used to believe that i wanted to have another in my life, but now i don't know
i develop feelings so carelessly that i can't seem to shake but yet with them i don't want to be
but someone else maybe
it seems i always fall for those i cant have or the slight chance that their in my reach i take a step back
out of fear
out of memory
memory of old pains
memory of the times i was hurt by those i love
i'm scared to feel for you because i know i'll get hurt but yet i still do
but am i really any better than those who have hurt me?
because i'm keeping the fact that i no longer wish to be with you to myself
fucking selfish of me
and even though this is how i feel now i cant help but shake the feeling i get when i receive a text from someone who is NOT you
and every time i feel guilty because you're such a nice guy and this is what i DO
i'm so utterly confused on what to do because some people say we're a "thing"
and if we are i feel even worse as i am being someone i thought i'd NEVER be
even if not acting upon the fact that i have feelings for not just you am i in the wrong for even feeling that way at all?
what's even worse is this person who isn't you would NEVER be with me
its a fucking joke that i even wish it could be and that i tell myself "maybe"
needless to say...
i'm sorry