The heart of a poet

Who I am

Bar
************************************No I'm not straight savage, and the things I own aren't lavish. I hate everything about myself and I only care about everyone else. You ask me why I hate myself, but for me to name all my ongoing faults I'd have to open a vault in my brain and I'd be going on for days. I'm the worst child a parent could ask for, I don't follow the rules and if I had to chose where to be I'd rather be at school. I love my parents but it just feels as if they ignore me, don't pay any mind to what I'm feeling. All this pain that once I start to feel better again sends me back out reeling. If my parents knew a god damn thing about what goes on in my head they'd send me to talk to a therapist instead of trying to understand why I'm blue. It may not seem as if this is true and yes they love me I know they do, but not in the best way they could. When I'm feeling down my dad says the words "What's wrong? You're not gonna start wearing all black are you? I'm not gonna deal with you being goth," and when he says it all I can do is laugh and say "No, I'm fine," If I had a choice without a doubt in my mind I'd much rather live by myself. I love them to pieces but they don't get me and when I talk about my future they nod but I can tell they don't approve of my plans. Only reason I'm not out in the streets doing drugs is because for me to have my escape and get away from my house is to maintain a plan for the future. At times I question what I have planned and my other options. If I didn't already know what I wanted to do I'd be smoking weed and doing vandalism as some would say or what I would call art. The people who hurt me just isn't anyone in particular anymore it's just a constant in my life that has been brought upon me due to my ability to trust in the ones who are close to me and are who I believed to be my friends. Every night I lay asking if it's worth going on or if I should just kill myself, but not because I don't have wealth just because all I feel are these crazy emotions. So hard for me to get out of bed in the morning, everything is just boring.