Fix My Heart ( A Robert Downey Jr. Fanfic )

Chapter Twenty - Dressing Room.

I sat in my car in front of my house, traumatized. Thousands of sharp cold daggers twisting in my heart. Frozen I sat, not enough air to fill my lungs. I didn't seem to care anyways, about breathing. I didn't mind death taking away my soul, leaving my cold stiff body laying here with my salty tears. Or maybe I could do that myself, I just did that anyways. My sanity slipped away, My heart died, my soul, the source that was keeping me alive will no longer be here. The piercing screams filled my head. Weakness spread all over my bones, breaking me down to pieces. Black, the world looked. The picture of his face smiling down at me was slowly fading away. The green life that he planted in my lungs started to die without his ray of sunshine, and I was dying with them. Who's gonna take away the agonizing pain from my soul now?

I got out of the car and ran to the house, my feet guiding me to my bedroom. I locked the door and dropped down to my knees. "What did I do, what did I do, what did I do," I kept shaking my head hoping that it was just a terrible nightmare but it was the reality I made. Head was banging automatically against the wall and I was screaming at the top of my lungs, nobody was there, not even a phone call or a text from him only the echo of my cries, regretting the love that I confessed.

All through the night, I sinked deeper and deeper in this mess. Spending an hour in sobbing and whimpering from the agony and the other in silence, staring at the space trying to find a way out of the calamity I made. It was me, I'm the one who made that horrible decision, I'm the one who spoke out, I'm the one who chose this path. I'm the one who fell for him and continued to fall. It made feel like a sinner, who committed an unforgivable crime. It's not a sin to love but it was forbidden to love him.

"Mella! Mella can you hear me?" A familiar male voice shook me with his two strong arms. My eyes opened slowly, the man's face was blurry. "Are you okay!" The man's worried voice rang again and my full consciousness came back, he was my father. "Why you're here? What is happening?" I tried to get up, still wishing that everything was just a bad dream but my wishes died again when I noticed that I was laying on the ground. "I'm the one who should be asking! What the hell happened?" Dad stopped me from moving and carried me instead and rested me on the bed. "Everyone was calling you all morning but you didn't respond so I came to check on you and I found you laying there in the corner like a dead body with blood on your forehead and you, looking like life and happiness was sucked out of you." Dad sighed, looking down at me with fear on his eyes. I probably hit myself so hard and passed out. I stared at the ceiling, my throat got thickened with the emotions, "What day is today?" The little light of hope still not believing what has happened was real. "Seriou- it's 2 pm, Sunday? The Grammy's day? You were supposed to get ready like 2 hours ago." Dad replied adding another weight on my chest. Grammy's translated into Robert in my brain. How could he show up after what I told him? How can I have the strength to perform? "I'm not going, call Dan and cancel everything." My breath quickened and my hands trembled with the thought of me facing Robert. Dad held my hands to stop them from shaking, "Okay, what the heck happened last night?" He heaved another worried sigh.

There wasn't any tear to shed, not enough power to my frail body to express my grief, "I told him." I said and a sharp pain pierced in my heart. My dad stared at me with an expression that showed sympathy yet shock, "oh dear." That's what he managed to say before holding me between his arms and giving me a long pep talk about life and losses which was supposed to make me feel better but It absolutely didn't move a thing in me although it was genuine and deep.

"I understand your situation but it's impossible to cancel the performance. It'll leave a stigma around you." He lifted my head up, "I don't care. I don't wanna do this I can't-" My voice cracked at every bit, "You'll not do this alone I'll be there with you, millions are waiting around the world it's not their fault. Harry and Hannah are coming now to do your hair and make up and Laura is on her way with your dress." I couldn't come up with a thing to retort, my silence meant acceptance.