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Chapter 8: Thoughts

I slowly opened my eyes and looked into Shawn's beautiful brown eyes.
I heard Shawn's phone ringing somewhere in the distance, he looked at me and I nodded my head as a sign that he could take it.
He took his phone and stood next to the bathroom door. I couldn't hear what he was saying but his smile had vanished immediately
When his call ended he hid into the bathroom and didn't came out for at least ten minutes. 
I softly knocked on the door and when I heard a mumbling sound I stepped inside. Shawn stood with his hand on the sink. He was watching himself in the mirror. 
'Shawn? Are you okay?' I whispered and I realised he avoided eye contact.
'No. I'm not.' he said shortly.
I walked closer to him and wrapped an arm around while I rested my head on his shoulder. My other hand traced the figures of his veins on his arm. 
'I need to leave town,' he said all of sudden. 'Tomorrow.'
I felt myself pulling away from him. My arms hung lifeless next to my body.
'Why?' I asked bluntly.
He shrugged. While still avoiding eye contact.
'So that's it? I was just a fling?' I tried to keep in my tears. The last few days had been way to hard on me. I felt empty. As if there were no tears left. Suddenly my head started pounding from holding back a flood of tears. I was done with crying.
Shawn turned around and grabbed me. He wrapped his arm around me as if he could lose me right now but I didn't hug him back. I could't get myself to do it.
'You were never just a fling.' he whispered as his face sank into my long hair. 
I shrugged him off and crossed my arms. 
'So what? What will happen now?'
Shawn sighed deeply. 'I think you need to head back to your house.' he looked like he was on the edge of crying.
'When will you come back?' I asked as I felt a single tear rolling out of my eyes.
He held a lock of hair in his hand as his thumb stroke away the lonely tear.
'I'll try to visit you after two days.' he said and he pulled me into a hug. 
My body started shocking as I bursted out crying.
It wasn't because of him leaving but because of everything all together. I needed someone right now and I wouldn't want to know what'll happen if I'm being left alone.
I wouldn't say I was suicidal but I definitly wasn't far from it. A simple incident could be the last drop for me.
'I know this was going to happen one day.' I said with a shaking voice
'So did I.' Shawn said.
I stood on my toes and Shawn lifted me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck and burried my face in his shirt.
'Can I at least keep your shirt while your gone?' I asked and the the tips of my fingers accidently touched his hand.
'Only while I'm gone.' he smiled so did I.

After the heavy ending of our almost perfect evenening we decide to watch Harry Potter. It was the only think that could lighten up the mood.
I felt myself drifting off as Shawn held his arms around me.

I woke up to the sound of his voice.
'Goodmorning Sleepyhead.'
A weak smile appeared on my face.
'I want to spend the rest of this day with you.' he said. Right after he finished his sentence I felt his lips on mine.

The day went by really fast. We went to a tearoom where we had breakfast. We took a short walk in the park and to end the day we went to the beach ( the beach from our first kiss)  where we watched the sun.
'It's time.' Shawn sudenly said. 'Before we leave let me just-' he gently pushed my face up so I looked him straight into the eyes, just like when he first kissed me.
His lips were soft. I felt my sick in my stomach but it was because I realised how much he meant to. The only difference between our first time here and now is that there was no paparazzi. We were alone.
I enjoyed every last minute.

The airport was almost empty, there were only a few fans but they left very soon.
Shawn took me apart from everyone.
'I will miss you so much' he said while holding my face.
'I love you.' I bursted out.
'Shawn, five minutes.' One of Shawn's crew said to him. Shawn nodded sadly.
'I love you too.' he said and kissed me. It was a vulnerable kiss. Soft and gentle.
I smiled and said quietly: 'No shut up this time?'
'Shut up.' he said and we both laughed.
He hugged me as long as he could.
'Are you ready.' I asked and smiled because I was happy for him.
He smiled back but there was something sad behind his smile.
'Yes.' he kissed me on my forehead and let go off my hand.
The group walked away and Shawn kept waving to me until he couldn't see me anymore.
I walked back home as the dark thoughts started hitting.