Poetry Collection

Already Dying

Thank you for not even noticing, mom,
That depression has hit me so hard it makes me numb...
Or - for little to no reason - it makes me cry,
So when I say "I'm okay", it's a goddamned lie.

And thanks for not noticing, dad,
That saying "I'm fine" means I'm sad;
I sleep so much because it's the only time I'm not in pain,
And I avoid you because I can't stomach the same fights again.

I always knew I wasn't perfect, but I never thought I'd be a failure,
And I never imagined that my own mind would become my jailer;
I never expected that my biggest disappointment would be myself,
Never anticipated being the only vintage you left on a dusty shelf.

I am trapped inside my mind, trapped inside the sadness...
Doesn't matter how hard I try, I can't seem to escape this madness;
And maybe my misery doesn't excuse all my bad behaviour,
But where are all the white knights now that I need a saviour?

I really thought that I would be somebody by now,
That my life would have gone somewhere, somehow...
But I'm just wasting time, barely breathing, and circling the drain,
My dreams went out the window when sadness hooked me like cocaine.

I'm just another statistic, just another number gone wrong...
Took me this long, but now I see that sadness is where I belong;
I don't need a bullet and I don't need pills, I'm already dying...
Because being alive doesn't mean you're actually living.