Addison had just got home after seeing Santiago when Kya called her. She stood with her phone in her hand for a full ten seconds before her brain registered what she was seeing. She answered the phone with a knot in her stomach. "Hello?"
"Addison, I'm getting out." Kya's hushed voice felt like it was inside her head. For a moment, she wondered if it was. It seemed like something she would make up in her head to compensate for the kind of reality she was facing, only usually they weren't this convincing.
"You're what?" was the only thing she could think of saying.
"They're letting me out," Kya told her. There was a strange joy in her voice, and Addison didn't know why it felt so foreign. So maybe it wasn't made up.
"They're letting you out?"
"Yes!" Kya was breathlessly happy, laughing a little, but Addison didn't know why it felt wrong. Kya continued speaking. "They're letting me go home this week."
Addison wasn't exactly sure how the conversation went after that. She knew it was happy, and she knew there was excitement, but she felt as if she hadn't exactly been present that whole time. Something didn't feel right about Kya being let home so soon. Yes, it had been three months, and no, Addison hadn't heard from her in that time, so maybe things had been fixed quickly, but it didn't seem realistic. She wasn't sure if anything was going to feel the same, and she didn't know why she felt that way.
Sleep wasn't coming easy. Addison tried to sleep after the phone call, but eventually, she gave up. The mirror drew her in. She looked at herself, the outline of herself. The light wasn't turned on, so she remained a silhouette. She felt like a page in a colouring book, an outline with no identity. Anyone could create one for her, but only one identity could be the right one. She turned on the light, took in her features, her male features. Whoever had coloured her in had got it wrong. She didn't know why she always expected it to change.
The next morning, she went to see Santiago. It was a Sunday, and his mum let her in because he was still sleeping. Stepping over a pile of worn clothes, she went to wake him gently. He groaned at first, muttering something about five more minutes, and then opened his eyes properly. He blinked a few times, then jolted when he recognised who he was looking at.
"Oh," he said, "hey."
"Hey," Addison replied. She wondered why she had come here when she knew she wasn't feeling the same as she usually did. She wasn't happy today, and she didn't know why. She didn't feel like herself, even more than usual, and living her life lying to people was getting old. She wasn't going to tell him though.
Santiago sat up in bed, his covers tangled around his legs. He had sleepy eyes and sleepy voice. Addison's heart swelled, but her head hurt. "How are you?" He asked.
"I'm good," she said, and he didn't ask her if she was lying.
"Me too," he mumbled to himself, and he pulled her towards him lazily, making her sit next to him. She leaned on him, soaking up the warmth. It was hard to feel lonely when she was close to someone she felt so strongly about.
There was a silence. Not awkward, just quiet. Addison wondered whether Santiago had been dreaming, and what he'd been dreaming about. Did he dream super-crazy dreams about riding dolphins through the desert, or did he dream realistically and wake up in the morning feeling different to the day before? Addison hadn't dreamt. She had barely slept at all.
Santiago was thinking too. Addison could see it in the way his eyebrows drew together and he bit his lip lightly. And then, he looked up her. "Do you love me?"
The question seemed to come out of nowhere. Maybe Addison wasn't the only one with things on her mind. She wanted to make sure she understood what he was asking. "What?"
