Barely Legal. [Milex]

Only Ones Who Know

It was a really cold day in Sheffield, it was raining seas. I hated rain so much I stayed inside that day, on Christmas eve. Either way you couldn't be outside or you got soaking wet. Or maybe I was too bummed to do anything but there was a pretty good explanation for that.

Sadly, and obviously, after our little fight, everything went downhill between Alex and I.

Our miserable situation hurt my heart so bad I actually thought I was going to die without him, and I was close to dying. I knew he probably hated me. But I tried to see the bright side on everything. The letter for example. I obviously didn't get any answer from him but I knew he read it. Because the next monday after the incident, he showed up to class with his sunglasses. He took them out when he saw me but his expression stayed neutral and careless. I still smiled to myself because of his gesture. It wasn't over.

Seeing him around in school still felt like getting stabbed and bleeding out the rest of the day. I tried my best to pretend I was okay and nothing was bothering me but Julian can read me like a book, so I ended up telling him everything that happened. He was really sad because he didn't take care of me that night at the party, he even felt responsable for Alex and I's fight. It wasn't his fault, I messed up big time.

Thankfully that stressful week was over and now I had a break from him. I wish it didn't sound that bad but I still couldn't figure out a way to make him forgive me, and seeing him so far away from me was killing me. I needed a break.

Another "good thing" was we all finished our exams, we could finally relax about it and wait for the results. We depended on that, not me, but a lot of people at school did. I wanted to make music, just like Julian and Damon, we were safe. But a few people wanted to keep on studying and stuff.

Damon and I kept talking like friends, like nothing happened. It was really nice that we both could move on from our little thing, because if he got into me and asked me why we couldn't be together, it was gonna be super hard to find a good excuse. Damon is an amazing dude, he's hot, he has a band, he writes music, he has good taste in pretty much everything, he's super kind and funny, he's charming... You just can't not be in love with him. It just happened to be I was in love with someone else.

My mum kept checking on me every few minutes to make sure I was alright, she knew I wasn't but she just gets too worried. I was thinking about spending the holidays with my dad in London, he lived there and invited me to his house. I knew it was a good idea to have a rest from my city but me and my dad are not very close, but more importan; me and my friends always do special stuff on Christmas eve, I didn't want to miss it for nothing.

In a few hours we were all going out, to a bar or a club or anything that were open. They promised to take care of me this time so I was really up for it. I wasn't even thinking about forgetting, about having the best time of my life, I was just thinking about him and how ironic it was being so depressed on Christmas eve. Man, I just wanted it to stop raining, it reminded me of the time when I followed him to his house. I wish I had the guts to do that again. It scared me to think he wanted me to do something like that again to forgive me but I was a sensitive man, I wasn't ready.

I heard my doorbell rang and sat on the bed. I rubbed my eyes and checked the time on my phone, it was 8 pm. They were early...

"Baby, your friends are here..." I heard my mum say from outside the door a minute later.

"Okay..." I whispered, like she could actually hear that.

Before I started to regret everything and get depressed I stood up. I put on my black leather shoes and my black coat. These fuckers better have an umbrella for me because I'm not getting wet today.