That Hate

Confessions

A/N

Hey, so like a huge chuck got cut by Wattpad. I've fixed it. Hope the story goes smoothly now.

It's Seth's graduation day. I stood outside the hall with a huge bouquet of flowers. It was crowded and there were many people waiting for the graduates to come out. It's been a month of agony as I mulled over how I could apologise to Seth and to not lose him again. I tried looking for him for the whole month, but it was as if he'd disappeared from the face of the earth.I had no choice but to stalk him online and when that failed, I decided to wait for him outside the auditorium. I mean, his class was graduating that day. I knew coz Sierra was his classmate. She told me. So, here I stood, my trembling hands holding the bouquet of flowers. I really hoped I hadn't missed my chance. I'd totally understand if he doesn't want to, although I'd probably die.

Suddenly, a crowd of people spilled out of the entrance. Parents and graduates were walking out smiling and jolly. Almost all the graduates have a bouquets in their arms. Some more than one. There were also graduates with their boyfriends and girlfriends on their arms, looking so happy.

Just then, amidst the crowd, I saw Seth, walking out with Sarah and a middle-aged man. They were smiling. I hesitated but then Sarah saw me.

"Kay! Kay!" Sarah ran towards me happily. I gulped and forced a smile when Sarah came running and grabbed me. I laughed. I forgot how cool she was "Hi Kay! What are you doing here? Are you here to see Seth?" Sarah asked as she held my hand. I smiled and nodded my head.

" Abah, abah! I want you to meet somebody!" Sarah called to her father. The older man came to us and Seth was beside him. I could see that Seth was not really looking at me. He probably didn't want to see me. Which I don't blame him for.

"Well, hello. Are you Seth's friend?" The older guy asked. He was very good-looking and looked a mixture of Japanese and caucassian. He looked a lot like Seth.

"Erm, yeah. Hello, I'm Kay." I said politely and salaamed his hands.

"Hello Kay. Just call me Uncle Hiroshi. So, you're joining us for dinner I presume." Uncle Hiroshi said with a knowing smile and a sideway glance at Seth. Seth cleared his throat and suddenly walked towards me and took my arm. I was a little surprised. I looked at Seth who didn't even look at me. He turned to his father and said

"Erm, Abah, Sarah, why don't you guys go ahead to the restaurant first? I'll come by later." Seth said with a forced smile.

"Well, ok. Make sure you bring Kay alright. Nice meeting you Kay. We'll see you later." Uncle Hiroshi said as he walked away with Sarah who waved at me with a huge, knowing smile on her lips. Oh the shame!

"So, what do you want?" Seth asked, not unkindly. He looked unreadable. HE still looked crazy gorgeous, but also unreadable. I didn't know what he was feeling at the time. I gulped for the thousandth time and cleared my throat.

"Erm, well, can we go somewhere and talk?" I asked timidly. Seth looked at me and then behind me. I looked questioningly at him.

"Did you bring your car?" Seth asked.

"No, I walked here since it's so near." I said a little apologetically.

"Let's talk in your car." Seth said and started walking beside me. We didn't say anything. I stole glances at him. Is it me or did Seth look like he had lost weight? Is he ok? But he still looked chiselled and handsome.

"Erm, congratulations Seth on your graduation." I said without thinking. I couldn't bear the silence. He glance at me and gave a tiny hint of a smile.

"Thanx. Abah's really happy." Seth said quietly. When we reached my car, I unlocked the door. Seth went into the driver's seat and sat behind the wheel. I sat on the passanger's seat and was quiet.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Seth asked neutrally. He glanced at me. The engine was on and the ac was working for once. I took a deep breath and looked at Seth.

"Actually I wanted to apologise earlier but I couldn't find you. I thought you're avoiding me after I you know slapped you." I said. Seth looked at me again. Without saying anything. Which started to annoy me and unnerve me.

"I wasn't avoiding you. I have stuff to do. Was about to graduate and all that." Seth said off-handedly and didn't look at me. He didn't seem like he liked me at all. Had I heard him wrong?? I got angry all of the sudden. First Airil, now Seth. Why do guys always hurt me? Why? What have I ever done wrong to either one of them. I felt fresh tears welling. I took a shaky angry breath.

"You know, maybe you do deserve the slap. You were such an asshole to me all the time that Airil and I were dating. You were never nice to me at all. You insulted me and you hurt my feelings everytime you see me. I never understand why. What have I ever done to deserve to be treated that way. Why do hate me so much?! What because I'm so beneath you? Because I'm ugly and fat? You know, forget it, just forget it. Get out of my car! Get out!" I was ranting. Seth didn't look at me. He was looking straight ahead and I saw his fists were clenched. Oh, so he's angry now.

"I said get out! I don't know wy I bothered! Youdidn't even mean what you said in the video. How could you, right? Maybe I readit all wrong. I feel so stupid for liking you. Really stupid. And embarrassed."I Said shakily and looked away, my chest tightening and me feeling so small when Seth didn't say anything or even look at me.

He was looking straight ahead and I saw his fists were clenched. Oh, so he's angry now.

"I said get out! I don't know wy I bothered! You didn't even mean what you said in the video. How could you, right? Maybe I read it all wrong. I feel so stupid for liking you. Really stupid. And embarrassed." I Said shakily and looked away, my chest tightening and me feeling so small when Seth didn't say anything or even look at me. Suddenly I felt somebody took my hand. I whipped my head around and looked at Seth. He was still looking straight ahead, but I saw his hand holding mine and his grip was weak and slack at first. But it grew strong and firm as seconds ticked by. I felt so weird suddenly. My heart thumped wildly and I stole a look at Seth. This time our eyes met. His eyes looked different. Was that..tenderness? Yearning? Love? I dunn but I felt like I could drown in his beautiful eyes.

"I'm sorry. I ...I didn't mean to make you feel bad, Kay. Far from it actually. Do you know how hard it is to watch the girl you like get stolen from you from your best friend? And then watch him hold her hands, she smiled at him, laugh with him? When you know you're meant to have that with her, but you couldn't? Because you're a coward? You're too slow? And because she's with someone else? And then watch him take her for granted and hating yourself for not being able to stop it? I'm sorry that I acted harsh with you. I was trying to kill this feelings that I know I shouldn't have any more coz you're with Airil, who was my best friend. You know, a couple of times, when I get extra nasty all of a sudden, it's because I suddenly have the urge to kiss you and I had to keep myself in check, you know. Or when I have this crazy urge to just hold you..drove me nuts. Especially when Airil bailed. It took all I had to stop myself from just taking you into my arms...I'm sorry..I didn't men to hurt you. I was trying, but I didn't try hard enough." Seth said apologetically, his face red as he gave a small chuckle. He had looked away from me. I was speechless. I couldn't say a word.