so surprise surprise, i will end the book in 2 or 3 chapters :)
>.<
phil is still standing there, looking at dan trying his best not to cry, but somehow it isn't affecting phil. if this would of have been a normal fight, a normal situation, he would of have been all over dan, trying to apologise and make up for his words. but phil doesn't feel the need to do so, this is just another layer on the cake, another thing to push him longer down, and he didn't expect anything else.
dan has never been so done, never felt so bad about his life and has never actually wanted to leave phil on the spot. dan loves phil endlessly, but maybe that's what he has to do? maybe he has to let phil live his life, live without the risk of losing someone for cancer, live without having to deal with dan's hormones, live without the extra sadness on top of everything, because dan does know that phil is sad.
but, he doesn't know how sad he actually is.
phil is walking around like a ticking bomb, and is referred to as the problem. he is treated as if he needs to be solved, just like a puzzle, and many people see him as the hardest puzzle that is. no one can see through him, see that the only thing he needs is someone to care about and love him. of course, dan does both these, but he doesn't show it.
that is what lead phil to where he is right now, to where suicidal thoughts are a big part of his day. people don't understand how the thoughts work, how they can actually change your opinion about life and death and how they they can make you do the most insane things. people don't understand, they just don't.
that's why phil made wattpad, he had somewhere to put his thoughts into words, as a lot of his real friends follow him on his tumblr. he can share so much without it affecting anyone, not even himself, because they can't do anything about it. he gets comments, all of them saying that they will always be there for him, but they don't work, the never do.
phil looks away from dan this time, looking at himself in the mirror beside him. tears are falling, hot tears fighting against each other about reaching his chin first, and some of them don't even make it. they absorb into his skin, trying all they can to hide, and then they disappear. and for phil, that represents his own situation right now.
and as phil look back at dan, he whispers,
"i'm doing it,"
but dan couldn't hear him, he couldn't hear his silent cry for help, and goes into his room instead. phil is left alone right where he stands, now looking into the empty spot where dan once was. and he whispers once again, now to himself,
"i'm doing it."
>.<
[QOTP; what is your sexuality?
AOTP; straight]
__________________________
ANSWERS FROM YOUR QUESTIONS IN PART 36;
Should lolzor be used in day-to-day conversation ?!?!
- yes, indeed, it should be in the dictionary!!!!!
Have ya gotta bae? Or nah?
- nope, i'm aloneee
For you like mcr !?!?!?!?!?!?!?
- haven't listened to them, but i've heard twenty one pilots' cover of cancer and the song is really good, so i may start listening to them
When did you join the Phandom
- about 3 years ago? something like that, at least. have no idea how i started watching them tho
What do you look like?!?!
- you do not want to know
How many boxes of tissues will I need for the rest of this book
- depends if you enjoy life or not
How's life!?!?
- what's 'life'? if it's this thing i am doing now, i do not even want to get started
Still following resolutions!?!?
- yess
Family!?!?
- my host fam is amazing (at least 70% of the time), but my bio fam isn't that great but i'll survive, i think
asl?!?!
- 17, F, England
Why everything? What is everything? How is everything?
- you are everything
How have you been? Will dan die?!?!
- goodie, and who knows?
this story is great and I bet Dan dies in the end! Turn on your location please?
- 1) thankuuu and who knows? 2) wait what do you mean
How's your day going?
- good, have a psychology test next period tho and i will probably die
Why did you have to spring that little thing on us last chapter???
- i am mean, you know
Are you doing well? Anything fun or exciting, happy, etc. happening?
- i am hopefully going to survive this week, that's all i know ahah. i am dying my hair tomorrow tho !!1!!1!!
did you know that you are the best mom ever okay ily mom
- awww you're so nice, ilyyyy xxxx
so is dan gonna die
- who knows, but i am pretty fond of my plot twists
