I could barely keep my eyes open while I put my fork full of eggs into my mouth. I was riding the struggle bus hard this morning. I hadn’t gotten much sleep since the BBQ at the Horan’s house a week and a half ago and I had no clue what city or country we were in. The tour life was hitting me, hard.
My mom sat down across from me with her plate full of food too. She looked quite a bit more well rested than I did.
“Good morning sweetheart,” she said. I sent her a tired nod in response while I tried to remember how to properly use a fork. I just wanted to close my eyes and go back to sleep. I was too tired to function.
“How’d you sleep?” my mom asked.
“Terribly. You?”
“I slept very well.” I could tell my mom was happier here than back at home. Home was a reminder of everything that went wrong. It was our past. Tour was everything that could go well for us in the future. It was a good place for us, our escape that could lead us to happiness again.
“Mom, are you happy here?”
She looked up at me, her expression tainted with surprise.
“Yeah, I’m happy. Are you?”
I didn’t hesitate to nod, Harry’s face forming in my mind.
“Does Harry have something to do with that?” she asked, clearly reading my thoughts.
“Uh, what? No, what? I mean, he’s a cool guy. But why would he have something to do with that?” I stuttered.
“Lydia, I’m not blind. I see how you two act around each other and there seems to be something going on.”
Holy shit, she’s good. She just said everything I was thinking.
“I mean,” I started, my face down, cheeks burning bright, “uh, I guess he’s played a role…”
“And?” my mom pressed.
“I guess I may like him…”
I kept my eyes focused on my plate but I could hear my mom let out a sigh. I looked up to see her smiling at me.
“Now was that so hard to admit?” she chuckled.
“I guess not. I just never wanted to say it out loud because I know he doesn’t feel the same way and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”
“Lydia, why would you think that?”
“Mom, look at the facts! He’s Harry Styles! Why would he like someone like me? I’m just some average girl who has a crush on him and got lucky that her mom works for them!” Better to leave out the whole thing about my feelings being potentially more than just a crush and the blonde girl who I have yet to forget about. I just needed time to wrap my head around everything before I go voicing every single one of my thoughts.
“Why don’t you see yourself the way everyone else sees you honey? Why can’t you see yourself how we all do?” my mom asked.
“What are you talking about?”
“You think you’re too average for these guys to like you, especially Harry, when I know that’s not how they see you. Nobody sees you that way! And even if they did, who cares? How they see you shouldn’t matter. But if you must know, the boys think so highly of you. Zayn and Liam think you’re the sweetest girl. Niall thinks you’re a great baker. Louis thinks of you as his partner in crime. Paul has commended you for your maturity. Lou considers you a close friend and Lux adores you. I think you’re the best daughter ever. And Harry, he does care for you sweetheart. More than you know.”
