I am so tired. This couch is not doing my back any favors and when I stretch my arms and legs out, I can hear the bones in my body crack. How lovely. I haven’t been sleeping very well lately, except this time it’s not the falling apart of my family that keeps me wake throughout the night. This time, dark curls and those damn fucking bracelets that keep my mind wandering. And it doesn’t help the numerous cracks in my heart or my hurt feelings.
Owen’s been a decent distraction. We’ve been hanging out a bit lately, but doing just that: only hanging out. We’ve watched a couple movies together and he’s been teaching me how to play guitar a little bit. I’ve learned about how he has a knack of dropping his iPhone and he learned that I’m obsessed with Disney movies. Sometimes we’ll talk about what we miss most about America. He says the food from his favorite restaurant and I miss just hearing the comfortable accents and terminology. I’ve really enjoyed his company, not only because he’s keeping me distracted from the curly headed butthole named Harry, but he’s somebody new to get to know and hang out with. He really is nice and funny. He makes me smile and he’s not bad to look at. Maybe Louis was right about me finding somebody while being on the road.
The sound of my phone vibrating shook me from my thoughts. I reached behind my head and grabbed it, smiling at the name that was lit up on my screen. Owen must’ve known I was thinking about him.
Hey Lydia J Did I leave my charger on your bus last night?
I looked around me and found it lying on the floor by my shoes. He must’ve forgotten to take it back to his bus with him after we watched a movie. I grabbed it and put it back on my lap before texting him back.
Yeah, I found it.
Sweet, I’ll swing by at some point today and grab it. Hey, did you hear about the Halloween party tonight?
Uh, no. What party?
One of the crew guys is throwing a Halloween party at the bar that’s like a block from the venue.
I hesitated, my fingers pausing over the keys. Did I really want to go to another party with all the 1D family? So far, I’ve had a couple panic attacks and I feared that I’d have another one if I went to another party.
But they actually tended to be fun at times. Lou always made me feel beautiful before going anywhere and the boys were entertaining. The rest of the crew always talked to me and then there was Harry, whose actions always left me confused. From the grinding to the protecting, I just didn’t know what to do with him.
Lydia, stop. Stop making yourself feel worse by thinking about how all of that meant nothing. He’s with somebody else. I’m not good enough for him.
Yeah, I’ll be there.
Well, guess I gotta find myself a Halloween costume now. And I gotta get off this couch.
I swung my legs over and got up, stretching out my body to the sound of more cracking. I shuffled toward the front of the bus. For once, there wasn’t anybody on the bus beside me so I quickly made myself a small breakfast.
Then I quickly threw on a pair of leggings and a flannel after brushing my teeth. I decided that on my way into the venue to see my mom I’d stop by Owen’s bus and just drop off his charger. It would be on my way.
I opened the door and immediately heard screams from the girls waiting at the fence. Surprisingly, I had gotten used to the sound of fangirling and I was able to walk around without it frightening me as much. Don’t get me wrong, some of those girls are really bat shit crazy, but a lot of them just wanted the boys, or anybody associated with the boys, to acknowledge their existence. So when I waved up to them, I hoped at least one person in that group felt like that was accomplished.
