Remembering Canary (HIATUS)

Chapter 19. "The first time feels more real."

Chapter 19. "The first time feels more real."

Danny paces around our bedroom, trying to come up with the best excuse for what happened between Derrick and I. Actually, there's no other good reason than just tell them what I've done rather than saying, "oh shit I hit my face a couple of times on the door," or "we were wrestling on the couch for fun." The second excuse even sounds wrong.

"Whatever," Danny says. "Just explain to them that Derrick was being a dick. Period."

I just nod. I have to be completely frank when I tell them about what happened. No blinking, looking away, or stuttering. And I also thought, what about Canary? How will I explain to her what suddenly happened out there? Maybe she'll understand. Maybe she needs space and think about what happened, or maybe she hates me. There is a million possibilities of what could happen if I talk to her now. Friends, unfriended, thankful, regretful, or whatever we feel towards my actions. I'm hoping she sees the bright side of me hiding around the area yesterday. The situation could've been worse.

"Did you talk to her already?" Danny asked.

I shrugged. It's the first thing I wanted to do the moment I come out of this room, but talking about it here in the cottage won't be a good idea. "Danny," I called. "What if you tell Canary both of you will hang out tonight in that area? Convince her, please. But instead of you being there, it will be me who'll be waiting."

Danny paced back and forth again. This time, Sam stood up and said, "Yeah! Fucking do that. Then, admit your feelings already because you're acting like a jealous boyfriend when in fact, she's not yours."

I nod in agreement. Although I'm prepared to speak to her, I'm not ready to look at her gorgeous blue eyes, the ones that hold hidden emotions. But I'd rather face her now than lose hold of the exquisite flower in the garden. It is plain stupid to just keep hiding what I feel towards her. Jett and Sam were right.

I want to see the vivacious her that got me instantly, with that cute smile and spark in her eyes. And if I cause her sadness or stress, I don't know what I would do to myself. I don't know what I would consider myself. A jerk or a shmuck, I don't know.

"Don't blame yourself too much, Falcon," Jett said, interrupting my thoughts. "Don't carry the weight alone. A kind action is better than a meaningless attack. You'll be fine."

I blinked after Jett spoke. "How did you know I was completely blaming myself?"

"Oh little Falcon. You look more disappointed than the fans of Leonardo DiCaprio when he didn't get the Oscars a couple of times." Jett patted me gently on the back.

I needed that.

After just hanging around in the cottage, the four of us left without Canary. She was sitting with Celestine and her friends, dead silent. I panicked when I saw her. I didn't know what she was thinking of. I looked up the shining sun that was about to be covered by clouds, hoping it would tell me that it will shine again over my fearing heart, or it might say, "piece of shit, you're overreacting."

We walk pass the dining hall, and straight to the main hall to meet everyone else in the group. The moment we got there, I first noticed Derrick, whose swollen lips were standing out more than Veronica's red lipstick and cheeks more colorful than a unicorn's hair. I probably overdid the whole punching shit yesterday. I looked away, and moved my sight on the two adults standing in front of everyone else. They didn't look pleased when they saw me. I'm definitely in trouble.

I see Derrick from my peripheral looking at me, smiling. That jerk. "Please settle down, kiddos! We will begin." Jayson announced.

Veronica, who looked way too serious, looked at me the way my history teacher glared at me when I'm being a delinquent in his class. "First activity, obstacle course!"