The Bob Duncan Experience

part 1

bob duncan needed a daddy. he had a wife named amy but she wasn't into kinks.

she's stupid like that.

bob decided to search online for a daddy. he looked at different dating sites until he found the perfect one.

christian mingle.

"holy rainbow dash" bob mumbled under his breath. he scratched his balding head as he starting creating his profile.

name: bob duncan.
age: 45.
hair and eye colour: blonde and blue.
gender: male.
sexuality: bi.
looking for: a daddy.
occupation: exterminator.
likes: bugs and men.
bio: i will exterminate your virginity ;)

"this is perfect" bob grinned.

"bob can you take charlie to school?" amy shouts from downstairs.

"what the fuck? no" bob screams.

"fine. c'mon charlie" amy says. bob can still hear her from upstairs because amy is a loud ass bitch.

bob decided to go downstairs anyway to have breakfast. a stick of butter sounded very appetizing.

"mom you're forgetting me again" grape groans.

"amy's already outside grape" bob says to the small brown haired kid who seems to always be going through puberty.

"dad my name is gabe. why the hell would you name me grape?" gabby deadpans.

"idk lol, gabby i wasn't there when you were born. i was hitting up the gay clubs with guy fieri" bob explains, unwrapping his stick of butter.  he shoves it in his mouth, almost moaning at the smooth, soft, fattening substance.

"you're going to get diabetes dad" gable warns.

"don't you have to go to school?" bob scowls. he never liked gavel. grave was the most irrelevant in his family anyway. gravity stomps away like the bitch he is and bob grabs more butter sticks.

"if amy could churn butter, maybe my dick wouldn't be so shrivelled up" bob muses aloud.

"aw, dad, that's nasty af" teddy says as she walks into the kitchen.

"says the bitch who has a boys name" bob quipped.

"whatever, im going to go vlog some more of my dumb ass stories that will never help charlie in the future. peace out" teddy quickly leaves the kitchen.

bob decides he should go check his christian mingle account for any matches. he runs up the stairs as fast as his pudgy legs can take him, shaking the whole house in the process.

"please have a match, please have a match" bob pleads. he sits down and opens up his account and in the top left hand corner is a little notification that reads-

1 match made: dan howell