The Bob Duncan Experience

three year anniversary special

semmy duncowell wanted a daddy.

he also wanted to go to burning man. but first he needed clearance from his therapist.

"i want to go 2 burning man" semmy said.

mr.6ix9ine nodded in understanding. "trey way"

"but dad and dad two said i need ur permission. idk sumthing about me not being mentally stable enough for large quantities of human interaction" semmy shrugged.

"trey way" mr.6ix9ine agreed as he wrote something down in his notebook.

semmy grinned. "so i can go?"

"trey way, trey way" mr.6ix9ine finally gave him the okay.

"ur the best, man! i can't wait to tell my best friend who is in jail for tax evasion about this"semmy exclaimed.

"trey way?" mr.6ix9ine asked.

"yeah im actually gonna stop by the prison on my way to burning man" semmy explained "im breaking him out"

"trey way" mr.6ix9ine frowned.

"keep this between us alright? this is patient-doctor confidentially and i swear to god tekashi if u fucking snitch on me one more goddamn fucking time im gonna fucking curb stomp ur fucking rainbow head so fucking hard" semmy threatened.

"....trey way" mr.6ix9ine sighed. semmy got up and left, making sure to close the garage door on his way out. he walked back upstairs and met up with his family.

"so he said yes"

"did he tell u if he was coming up for dinner tonight? or will bobbykins have to slide stale mozzarella sticks under his door again?"

"dad u know mr.6ix9ine is lactose intolerant" semmy's younger sister karlee whined. what a brat. "if u give him chez he'll live in the bathroom for the next two days"

"u know we built that outhouse in the backyard for a reason sweaty. when tekashi uses the main bathroom, u use the outhouse. think of it like shrek" bob said.

"or just do what i do and hold it" semmys little brother nick said.

"i still don't know why we let him live in our garage" karlee grumbled.

"he tunnelled underneath our house like a mole person and asked for a place to live, karlee it would've been rude to say no" dan shook his head. he'd have to work on her manners later.

"anyway" semmy interrupted "ur all ugly and im going to burning man"

"be safe!" bob smacked a wet one on him.

"i probably just got tuberculosis from that" semmy said. and then he was off.

burning man was definitely not ready for him.

                           ____________

"so apparently burning man is in nevada?" semmy continues to tell the gas station attendant "that's like, farther than i can walk"

"i could drive u" the man suggested.

"if only there was some way i could get there" semmy frowned.

"i could get u there" the man repeated.

"this sucks. i really wanted to go" semmy stomped his foot. he felt the heel of his croc stilettos bend under the pressure.

"i could go with u"

"maybe i should just go back home" semmy was on the verge of tears. going to burning man was the only thing he wanted to do in life ever since he found out it existed 45 minutes ago. this just wasn't fair.