The Bob Duncan Experience

part 6

"can we actually go in burger king?"  dan asks bob. bob instantly agrees.

"hallelujah. my legs are so cramped" charlyze says. everyone gets out of the van and stretches.

"okay lets go hit up this restaurant" bob announces. they all walk into burger king. there is a minor line but nothing they can't handle.

"i can help who's next" one of the cashiers says. they walk up to her.

"hi my name is christina, what can i get for you today?" the manly women asks.

"could i get 11 burgers and 30 large fries?" bob asks. she nods and types it in.

"oh and 8 soft drinks" dan pipes up.

"that'll be $17.50" the employee says. bob reaches into his pocket and takes out a $10 bill.

"keep the change" bob winks.

"um sir, you still owe us $7.50" she awkwardly says.

"no no no, it's no problem, seriously just keep the change. im a generous man." bob chuckles, completely ignoring her previous statement. they argue back and forth.

"i want to speak with your manager" bob sighs, irritated with this annoying worker who looks like she came straight outta whoville.

"sorry sir, but my manager only attends to issues that can't be handled in a simple manner, this issue can be, just give me the remaining $7.50" christina explains, scowling at bob.

"they should've put your dr.seuss ass back at the drive-thru" dan pipes up, fed up with her shit.

"oh im sorry vanilla ice, i couldn't see you there, you blend in with the floor" christina snaps at dan, gesturing at the pure white floor.

"damn, cindy-lou-who has definitely lost her chill" pete mutters.

"dear lord, here" gordon grumbles at christina, realizing this is a lost cause. he hands her $8.

"i expect change back" he quips. christina sarcastically smiles and gives him 50 cents back. she enters the order and they move aside.

"that guy is cooking our burgers wrong!" gordon shouts. christina rolls her eyes.

"he's our chef, he knows what he's doing" she promises.

"im 'bouta jump this counter" gordon grumbles.

"don't care" christina retorts.

"so rude" dan mumbles. bob nods in agreement.

"she definitely has a stick up her nose" evan says.

"so stiff" charlyze agrees.

"okay, hey you, panini head! are you listening to me? you're doing it all wrong you idiot!" gordon yells at the chef. the chef jumps.

"i know what im doing" the chef quietly says.

"bullshit" pete shouts, backing up gordon.

"if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself" gordon mutters. he hops over the counter and starts taking over the kitchen.

"ruby do i call the police?" christina asks the cashier next to her.

"nah sugar, let 'em be" ruby replies carelessly, loudly chewing her gum.

suddenly the front door of the store bursts open.

"everyone put your hands up" a gruff voice warns. people start panicking.

"i'll shoot your ass if you don't get on the floor and raise your hands" he shouts. everyone does as told. except bob and christina.

"can you please shoot her?" bob asks the man. he gives bob a perplexed look.

"you want me to shoot someone?"

"yep, her" bob nods, pointing at christina.

"what the fuck? no! shoot the old geezer over here. he's ugly, annoying, cheap, old and fat" she says.

"am not!" bob retorts.

"what're you gonna do about it? chase me?" christina laughs.

"no but i'll eat you" he warns.

"but you need to stop eating" she quips.

"and you need to stop breathing" he snaps.

"you're balding and it's ugly" she challenges.

"i will actually sit on you" he growls.

"i see why you want me to shoot her" the robber intrudes.

"see? even the criminal is on my side" bob flaunts to christina. she huffs.

"anyway, just give me $15" the man tells christina.

"you're robbing us because you want $15?" christina asks. this annoys the man, who frankly has had enough of her shit.

"boo you whore" he says. he then proceeds to shoot christina in the head. she falls to the ground immediately.

"haha, drop dead bitch lol" bob laughs. everyone chuckles at the death of christina.

"anyway, money please" the man tells ruby. ruby shrugs and gives him $15. the man turns to leave.

"wait!" dan shouts. he turns around to hear what dan has to say.

"we're heading to vegas, you wanna come?" dan invites him. the man thinks about it for a minute then shrugs.

"let's bounce" he says. dan, bob, charlyze, evan and pete get up. gordon grabs the burgers and fries he finished making and the soft drinks. everyone goes back to what they were doing.

"so why are we heading to vegas?" the man asks as they pile into bobs van.

"bob and dan are getting hitched" evan explains. the man nods.

"wait, introductions are needed!" gordon says.

"im pete and that's gordon, evan, charlyze, dan and bob"

"im gerard way" the man replies.

"nice to meet you gerald" charlyze smiles.

"gerard" he corrects her.

"sorry gerry" she re-says. they argue back and forth about what gerards name is.

"either way ur name is lowkey uggs" dan laughs.

"i have a gun. i will shoot you" gerard warns. he's such a joker.

"im not joking, im 100% serious" he adds.

"get a load of this guy" dan hesitantly laughs.

"get a load of my gun" he replies, grabbing his gun.

"oh, would you look at that, it's an arby's and a walmart side by side" dan says, trying to distract gerard from blowing his brains out. and not in a good way.

"next stop-arby's and walmart" bob announces.

hours 'till vegas: 6