The Bob Duncan Experience

part 3

bob's jaw dropped. dan looked exactly how he did on his christian mingle profile.

"hey bbyboy" dan creepily grinned. bob tried to talk but no words came out. he was in shock.

"bob who the hell is this?!" amy screeched. she had just gotten home. gross.

"im his daddy" dan answered for bob.

"bob is this true? why would you need him when you have a perfect, beautiful, loving wife" amy says.

"bitch wher? all i see is you" bob finally says. amy scoffs.

she's such a bitch.

"you know what? fine, go with snow white over here, see if i care. ill just find someone else" amy spits. she's so unhygienic.

"idk where you'll find someone you nasty ass hoe lol" bob shrugs. he gets up and takes dan's hand. they walk to bob's big mobile.

"fresh ride" dan nods.

"it's dope af right?" bob smiles.

"yass fam" dan says. they hop in bobs car and start driving away.

"so vegas is like 10 hours away from where we are in denver rn" dan says, looking at this big ass map he must've pulled out of his ass.

"road trip!" bob excitedly yells. he scratches his ugly ass face and gets on the highway.

dan stared lovingly at bob. he loved his cute balding head and his huge beer belly. bob was definitely a babe in dan's books.

suddenly bob sees a homeless man standing on the side of the road.

"babe we should pick this guy up" bob says to dan.

"but he's dirty" dan whines.

"if this is going to be a dope ass road trip then we are going to have to pick up a few damn hitchhikers along the way boo" bob explains. dan sighs but nods nonetheless. then dan lovingly picks bobs ear.

bob illegally pulls over, slightly hitting a couple cars on the way.

"yo fam get in" bob yells out his window at the homeless man.

"thanks bruh" the man says. he gets in their car and the keep on driving.

"so sir, what's your name?" dan asks.

"bitch the fuck? im a woman" the homeless man-woman-deadpans.

"holy shit dude" dan breathlessly says. bob leans over and grossly whispers in dans ear.

"that's one fugly lady"

"agreed" dan flirtatiously whispers back.

"well im bob and this is dan, what's your name?" bob asks the woman, looking at her through the side mirror.

"charlyze is the name and rapping is my game" she replies. dan and bob both nod, thoroughly impressed. dan hands charlyze the map.

"give bobbykins the directions okay?" dan says. charlyze nods.

after a couple minutes of silence charlyze pipes up.

"so where are we headed?"

"vegas so we can get hitched" bob explains.

"oh shit. that's bomb ass." charlyze says, nodding her head.

"you wanna be my best man?" dan chimes in.

"hell yeah! this is going to be dope" charlyze excitedly yells.

"yes it will be" bob mumbles quietly so no one hears.

"turn left now" charlyze says. bob starts to turn.

"wait no right" charlyze corrects. bob stops to turn the other way.

"no wait, i was right the first time, turn left" she corrects herself again. bob sighs. this was going to be one hell of a trip.

hours 'till vegas: 9