The Bob Duncan Experience

the epilogue no one asked for

1 year later

"good morning my sugar plum fairy" dan pinches bobs cheeks.

"morning hunny wunny" bob groggily says back. they share a kiss filled with gross morning breath before getting up and yanking the kids out of bed.

"semmy eddie logan duncowell get up this instant" dan sternly says to their 15 year old son.

"karlee bella raini duncowell, you get up too" bob says to their 11 year old daughter.

"and can you get little nick tom cody duncowell?" dan asks the two kids, referring to their little 4 year old son.

"you know you don't have to say our full names every morning when you wake us up right?" semmy rolls his eyes before heading to his little brothers room.

"we gave you that many names specifically so we could always say them" dan informs semmy.

"daddy can you do my hair?" karlee asks bob.

"no sweat it kiddo" bob says as he pulls a hair elastic off his thigh and ties her hair in a braid. he was really good at braiding because amy used to make him braid her leg hair.

bob and dan had adopted semmy, karlee and nick 3 days after getting married. you know how they like to rush into things impulsively.

bob had went back to denver before him and his new family moved to ohio and sorted things out with amy and the kids. he finally figured out the kids name was gabe, not grape. who'd have thought.

gordon and pete got married two months after bob and dan.

charlyze found herself a nice boy from puerto rico named ruben.

bruno became a police officer, for real this time.

gerard also became a police officer. god knows why. probably because now he can legally carry his gun. idk.

evan bought a cactus shaped house and now sells sheep.

and nick and tessa became dan and bobs house cleaners.

"time to go over to uncle charlyzes house" bob exclaims, rubbing his pink eye.

"her toes scare me" karlee says aloud to no one in particular.

"bitch me too" little baby nick says in his little baby voice.

"what did we say about using that word nicky?" dan asks, rubbing his temples.

"only use it if its directed towards amy" nick looks away ashamed.

"good boy" dan pats nicks head, making him smile.

the whole duncowell family walks out the door and across the street to charlyzes house.

after bob and dan adopted the kids, bruno called that calvin wood guy to build a whole new part of town just for all of them to live at. calvin declined.

so then bruno called that ditzy girl from hot topic, brianna. and the egghead too. they agreed and built them all some cute ass lil houses.

"we're here" semmy shouts aggressively when they enter charlyzes house through the unlocked door. ruben was away on a business trip. something about a fashion show in milan or whatever.

"we're all in the kitchen" charlyze yells and then barks back like a dog. they head into her kitchen and see everyone's already there.

"what's poppin?" bruno asks semmy. they head off to talk about fire trucks.

karlee goes to gordon and pete to talk about how she can bribe her teacher with gordons food to give her an a.

nick and evan play with the sheep evan brought over.

dan, gerard and charlyze start having a rap battle and create diss tracks against edward cullen. they were all team jacob.

bob looks around and smiles.

this was his bitch ass family.

then he joins them all in attacking edward cullen.

a couple hours later, during dinner, there's a knock at the door. bob opens it only to reveal tyler posey standing with a big sign asking to take evan to prom. evan says yahtzee. tyler smacks the sign.

"we should probably get home now and get the little one to bed" dan says.

"but nick looks wide awake" gerard says, pointing over to the child who was repeatedly flipping off pete.

"i meant bobbykins" he replies, pointing at the zombie looking man with the half closed eyes. dan loved how bob got tired early since he was an old man.

the duncowell family says their good byes, even though they were all going to the whitehouse and then the zoo together tomorrow, and then the group all put their hands in a circle.

"1"
"2"
"3"
"edgy squad forever!"

                 the second bitch ass end.