The Bob Duncan Experience

part 12

"are we there yet?" evan whines.

"yeet" bruno whispers to the voices.

"we have officially arrived!!" bob exclaims, ecstatic to marry the translucent love of his life.

"let's pop this shit!" pete shouts.

"c'mon bbyboy" dan coos at bob. bob looked at dan the way remi looks at lucas, as if he were a stick of butter ready to be devoured.

"team jylan" charlyze hisses at the air.

"gerard we're gonna have to bring ur gun into the chapel" bruno says.

"team jingy" charlyze hisses once more, again to the air.

they all get out of the bug mobile and walk towards the wedding chapel. gerard cocks his gun.

"boom shacka-lacka" he whispers menacingly.

gordon swings open the door and they file in like a line of death row inmates.

"put your hands in the air" charlyze psychotically shouts, spitting so much she could stop the california drought.

"and wave them like we don't care?" one of priests asks enthusiastically.

"or we'll drag you into the pits of hell" evan warns them. the priests all raise their hands and wave them like they in fact, do not care.

"we need one of y'all to officiate our weddin', yeehaw" bob says with a country accent.

all of a sudden the employee door swings open and out walks the man, the myth, the legend, highest priest of them all, nick crompton.

"england is my city" he whips and nae nae's over to the group.

"ill officiate the wedding" he solemnly says. gordon and pete almost faint as they stare into the very dark bags under his eyes.

"thanks man" charlyze bro-hugs him.

"let's get this show on the road" dan ushers them all into the room where he would finally marry his bobbykins.

"lemme just get some tunes" nick waves over a twerking brown haired girl. he hands her a microphone that he pulls out of his shoe. the microphone has a name tag that reads 'tessa brooks'.

"tessa ur gonna sing powerful emotions" he commands.

"but what about erika?" she asks.

"i ate her" bruno waves her off and rubs his tummy. tessa shrugs before screaming the lyrics out of tune.

"musical genius" bob wipes away a tear. nick drags everyone to their places: evan, gordon, pete and bruno are in the stands, charlyze is up at the front as bobs best man, bob is at the front of the aisle, tessa is behind the podium still screeching the song, nick stands in front of the podium with a bible and dan starts walking down the aisle with gerard at his side.

once they reach bob, gerard smacks a big wet kiss on dans knee before he goes to the stands and sits with gordon.

"gay marriage is legal so dan howell do you take bob duncan to be ur bae?" nick says, popping his collar.

"yahtzee" dan nods, staring into bobs ugly eyes.

"then do you, bob duncan, take dan howell to be ur bae?" nick picks his nose.

bob glances around the room, he sees all the faces of the people he had met not even 12 hours earlier. he loved those crazy motherfuckers.

then he looks at the very pale and sweaty dan. he loved this ghost with all his nonexistent heart.

ever since he abandoned his lame ass family and ran away with dan his life had been so great and it could be like this forever.

with tears in his eyes, a smile on his face, week old broccoli in his teeth and a fart he says-

"yahtzee"

                          the bitch ass end.