Self harm warning.
Corey sits in his science lab group, and he can't keep his eyes of Missy. Everything she does memorizes him, just leaves him in a trance. The way her blonde hair falls on her shoulders, the way her brown eyes keep looking at him. And when she does look at him, her bottom lip gets caught between her teeth. Corey doesn't know why this girl has him so miserable, he wants her so bad that it hurts. When the bell rings Corey hurried to his desk to grab is books, just like Sarah Ruth, he's usually the last one out. "Hey Corey," he can feel his breath hitch in his throat. Corey knows that's Missy's voice. He stands up straight and see her standing there with a grin, "Oh, hey Missy."
She hands him a piece of paper, "Call me." Corey screams on the inside when he realizes that she just gave him her number. Missy walks away swaying her hips and Corey is left there speechless. "Haim, get out of my classroom," Corey snaps out of it and scurries out of the class room. His eyes scan the hallway trying to find Missy, then he spots her. Corey walks up to her while she's taking a textbook out of her locker. "What are you doing Friday night?" He asks as he leans against the locker next to hers. Missy smirks and steps I front of him, licking her lips, "Coming to your house."
Corey bites his cheek to keep himself from smiling like an idiot. She puts her hands on his chest before lightly kissing him on the lips. Once she pulls away, she goes away. And Corey is stunned, he's overjoyed. And as soon as she turns her back whispers, "Score."
While Corey is overjoyed, Sarah Ruth is battling the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. Sarah Ruth doesn't know what they said to each other, she was to far away. But she did see the flirty smiles, and the kiss that nearly made her gasp. Sarah Ruth wipes under her eye with her thumb to stop a tear from escaping. Why can't that be me?
Sarah Rush runs to the girls bathroom, she has to run right past Corey also. When she passes him, it hurts more to know Missy Clayton is on his mind. Once Sarah Ruth has made it to the girls bathroom, she hides in a stall. She doesn't even have time to think before she starts crying. God Sarah Ruth you're such a fucking baby.
Her hands hold her hair back as the tears stream down her face. "Why, why, why?" She whispers. The sound of the bell ringing makes her curse under her breath. Sarah Ruth may that quiet innocent girl, but she's skipped class before. Skipping class isn't that big of a deal, you don't earn the title of being badass. It's just something little that tons of really good kids have don't, once again, no big deal. Plus, she'd only be missing 7th period. Only one hour down the drain, and it's her least favorite class so Mr. Moore will be joyed to know she isn't there today.
But then she thinks about how she doesn't want to sit in this stall for an hour, how about she just leaves? And that's exactly what Sarah Ruth does, leaves through the schools back doors. Not getting caught cause this school doesn't give a flying shit. Sarah Ruth's parents aren't home, thank god. They'd kill her if they knew she skipped even five minutes of school.
Sarah Ruth walks into her bathroom, then stares at her reflection. Her cheeks are red, and her eyes are puffy. All Sarah Ruth ever feels is pain, she's never fully happy. Something is always bringing her down. It's like she's addicted to the pain or something, as if she needs it. Sarah Ruth digs through her bathroom drawer, looking for her razor. So many thoughts are rushing through her mind, and she's never thought these things before. She had got them a while ago, when she thought about it then. But she had stopped herself, stopping this time seems hard.
Everything Missy Clayton has said to Sarah Ruth's is right to her. When Missy calls her fat, stupid, weak, ugly, through Sarah Ruth's eyes, and ears, she's right. Sarah Ruth finds herself in the dirty mirror hanging on the way, her self starring back. She looks at her eyes, ugly, she thinks. "Missy is right, I'm a nobody," Sarah Ruth goes back to digging the drawers and cabinets, looking for the razors.
Missy Clayton's voice is echoing through Sarah Ruth's head. She can hear all the remarks Missy has made, all the pushes and shoves. Sarah Ruth's fingers rub her temples, she can feel the massive headache coming. "Stop," she whispers as the words get louder and her head pounds harder. Her hand comes across a small box, like the size of those ones that hold wedding rings. Sarah Ruth wraps her fingers around the box and pulls it from the Bach of the drawer. Once she opens it, she sees she's found the three razors.
Sarah Ruth's breath hitches as she sees them, finally really realizing what she's been thinking about doing. What's she's planning to do. "Shit," she whispers to herself. Sarah Ruth picks up one razor, then lays the box with the others onto the counter. The fact that she's already crying before the razor has even made contact with her skin makes her mood become even more sour. Such a baby.
Her thumb and index finger and holding onto the razor so hard her skin has turned a yellow white color. Sarah Ruth can feel herself shaking as the razor gets closer, just do it Sarah Ruth.
The razor rests on her forearm of her left arm. She closes her eyes and moves her arm causing the razor to move also, which is the idea. "Fuck," she yells. The razor drops from Sarah Ruth's hand onto the ground. The blood as already started pouring out of her arm, but the pain soon went away. She didn't feel anything.
It was taking her mind off everything else, and she was doing what everyone wanted her to. Everyone hurt her, she was just helping. There is nothing wrong with this!
She picks the razor back up, and does it again. This time, Sarah Ruth does since this time, she's does cry of course, but the tears are just from thinking about Corey and Missy. And that makes her do another cut on the opposite are, Corey will never love you like you love him. You're ugly, Missy is gorgeous. He sees you as a damn sister for crying out loud!
Sarah Ruth knows that if she cuts too deep she'll bleed to much, so she avoids that. "Sarah Ruth, are you home yet?" She freezes when she hears her mothers voice. Sarah Ruth looks at the clock hanging over the toilet and sees the time, 4:00. Damn, It's later than she thought. But she doesn't answer, she rushes to clean her cuts and putting away the razors.
Then Sarah Ruth digs through her closet trying to find a long sleeve shirt, then she does. "Yeah," she finally yells back. She knows it's a late response, but at least she is saying something. Right as she puts the shirt over her head, the door opens. "Oh sweetie I'm sorry, I didn't know you were changing," her mother closes the door back.
Sarah Ruth thinks about the blood seeping through her shirt. She gets some cotton pads she got to remove her nail polish, then surgical tape she had for when she sprained her finger a few months back. Sarah Ruth lays the pads on the cuts, then wraps the tape around it. When she pulls her sleeves back down, it's like nothing happened.
What has she done?
