Sarah Ruth stands in the school yard. Everyone is standing around her, but they aren't bothering her. She sees Corey walk out of the school with a huge smile on his face. "Corey!" She yells, then he walks towards her. Corey greets her with a hug, and Sarah Ruth gets goosebumps at the touch. "Hey Sarah Ruth," Corey smirks. "Corey, I need to tell you something," Sarah Ruth becomes nervous knowing what she's about to confess to Corey. "I'm in love with you Corey Haim."
Corey just stares at her, looking confused. Then, he laughs. Corey Haim laughs at Sarah Ruth and what she just told him. Then, Missy Clayton walks up and hooks her arm around Corey's waist, "Well, I'm in love with Missy Clayton. I'll never love you Sarah Ruth, no one can love you." Sarah Ruth's breath hitches. And she feels everyone in the school yards eyes, she can hear all the whispers.
Sarah Ruth sits up quickly in her bed, her body hot and shaking. Her head snaps in the direction of her clock, 2:45. School gets out 45 minutes.
Sarah Ruth gets off her bed and heads down stairs. Her body is still hot and slightly shaking, and all she can think about is the dream. Sarah Ruth pours herself a cup of coffee, she's trying her best to not think about the dream. But she can't help but wonder, is that how it would really happen? Would she find the nerve, then get turned into a even bigger joke.
The front door opens, then shuts, and she hears footsteps. Sarah Ruth quickly panics, she isn't supposed to be home yet. "Sarah Ruth, are you home yet?" She looks up at the clock, 3:45. That clock upstairs has to be wrong. "Yes Mom!" Her mothers heals come to a halt, then the sound to the direction of the kitchen. Rachel smiles and hugs her daughter from the side, then kissed her atop the head. "How was your day sweetheart?" Sarah Ruth can't lie to her mother, it pains her to. "Same old," Sarah Ruth answers. It's kinda true, not a complete utter lie. "Well good," Rachel opens the fridge and grabs the carton of milk. "You look sleepy," her mother points out. "Because I am," Sarah Ruth answers truthfully. "How come, did you not get good sleep last night?"
Sarah Ruth feels like her mother knows something. "I did, school just tires me." Her mother nods the pours some milk into a glass cup. Then, leaves with the drink. Sarah Ruth lets go of a breath she didn't even know she was holding. She scurries back up to her room, then going into her bathroom. Sarah Ruth really needs to take a shower, but she doesn't know how the hot water will feel on the cuts. You cut yourself with a razor, some water will be a piece of cake.
She grabs some towels then turns on the water. Taking off the bandages feels horrible, the wounds sticking to them. Sarah Ruth winces in pain as she does so, but it's not as bad as when she actually did it. Taking off her shirt hurt like a bitch also.
When she got into the shower at first she avoided putting her arms under the water. Then she did, and it stung. Sarah Ruth yelps in pain, then decided colder water is better.
Sarah Ruth showers quickly before getting out. When she's wrapping the towel around her body that familiar tapping noise starts. Corey.
She takes a deep breath and walks into her room. Sadly her curtains are open so Corey would have saw her like this either way. His eyes go wide when he sees her, that's a short ass towel. That's all he can think. Instead of opening the window, Sarah Ruth shuts the curtains. Corey Haim is the last person she wants to see right now.
"Sarah Ruth come on!" Her breath gets caught in her throat again. Go away Corey.
She just ignores him, then gets dressed. Making sure to bandage the wounds, get a long sleeved shirt, and continue ignoring the boy at the window. Corey doesn't stop, he continues tapping and talking. "Leave Corey," Sarah Ruth finally says. It goes silent. She gets up off her bed and yanks the curtains open. Corey yells in fright, he almost stumbles backwards.
One look at Sarah Ruth shows Corey how serious she really is right now. She really wants him to leave. So that's what he does, he leaves. Corey goes to his room and leaves her be. Corey knows something wrong with his best friend, and he can't just sit in his room and let her cry. Let her feel worthless. But if only he knew that he was apart of it. That he's made this girl fall for him so hard there's no coming back. Once you're down, you're down. Unless you're not truly in love. But, Sarah Ruth is for sure truly in love with Corey.
It doesn't take long for Sarah Ruth's tears to come back, for more pain to bottle up inside her. More things she can't talk about to anyone. More things she can't change and never will change. Sarah Ruth is a wreck, and it's going to be hard to fix it. All she wants is to be happy, all she's ever wanted is to be happy. But how's that going for her? Not well.
Corey knows Sarah Ruth is troubled. But he's never asked about it, he's never asked what is making her so painful. It's him, it's the way he looks at her. It's the way he makes her feel special when he tells her about his day. It's all Corey Haim. Only if he knew, so many if's. But you can't help but wonder, how would Corey react? Would he be like the dream, let her down easy, or say I love you back. That question may never be answered, Sarah Ruth could never do that. She knows how it would ruin both their lives.
"Sarah Ruth, dinner is ready!" Sarah Ruth comes out of her day dreaming trance and heads down stairs. The smell of pizza circling around her.
But Corey is sitting in his room, thinking about what he can do to make this sad girl smile.
When Sarah Ruth gets back to her room, she digs through her desk drawer. Pulling out her journal, or other call it, diary. She hasn't wrote in it for at least a week now, but she needs to. She needs to write all her emotions down. Get them out some how. This is the only way Sarah Ruth can. Well, the only way she can think of at the moment.
Wednesday, September.
I'm falling apart. I feel the weight on my shoulders constantly, I feel worthless constantly. Yesterday, I did something bad, but I don't regret it. I would do it again actually, and I shouldn't. That's what's scaring me, I'm hurting myself. And I think I'm enjoying it? It's all so wrong, I hate when people make me feel bad. But yet there I was yesterday afternoon slicing a razor into my perfectly fine skin. There's no one for me to talk to, I'm lost in my thoughts. In my imagination. It's all I have, it's all I trust. And there's no running away from it.
