Amanda's Story

Twelfth Night at Helmsley

The frost on the window stretched its fragile fingers around the frame, filling the corner of the pane with delicate fractals of ice. The winter sun dazzled Amanda's eyes, sparkling on each needle and sending rainbows into the air. The pattern was so perfect, etched by a minuscule artist for her own brief enjoyment. She breathed deeply of the brisk air, her eyes dancing at the miracle left for her to find on the back door this morning. The warming sun began to erase the frost, and she sighed.

Today she was awake. Not just out of bed, dressed and groomed, alert kind of awake—she was awake to her feelings, both her pain and her happiness, her regrets and her hopes. How long had it been since she'd felt awake? She didn't know.

"Amanda, the sleigh is just being hitched. Father will bring it around in a moment." Rachel shut the door behind her, her shawl tied over her bonnet to protect her ears from the cold. She had pink cheeks and her eyes were snapping blue. Amanda noticed these small details as if she'd never seen her sister before.

"Are we all ready?" Maman came down the hall, and Marian was only a few steps behind her. "What a wonderful idea, a sleigh ride for Twelfth Night. We have extra reason to celebrate, too, since receiving word from Bernard."

The day before, a letter had come in Bernard's own hand. It was short, but it told that he had been safe at Trafalgar and the only injury he'd received were some slight burns to his hands. He reported they waited at Gibraltar for the next engagement—although the note had been written two months ago. Now the family could breathe a prayer of thanks and lift their spirits on this holiday.

"I'm so glad the snow has stayed long enough," Amanda said. "I don't remember the last time we had a sleigh ride. Was I six, or seven?" She noticed the eager pitch of her voice, like her younger self was seeking to escape the older, dreary body she'd been trapped in for months.

"It hasn't been this cold in years," Maman said. "The River Leven has frozen over.The sunshine is deceiving, so make sure you've all worn extra petticoats."

The team of four pranced up to the side of the house, shaking the bells on their harness. Papa waved for them to come out. He'd spent the morning helping the stable boys dust off and attach the sleigh runners to their old curricle, and now they were ready to go. The three sisters carried extra blankets to tuck over their legs, and Maman motioned to Vern to bring the heated bricks from the kitchen to put on the floor of the sleigh. With their toes pressed against the bricks, they hoped their long ride over the hills would be comfortably enjoyable until they looped back around to Burley Park for wassail that evening. The Pearces climbed in, the vicar said a brief prayer, then he replaced his thick woolen hat and whooped as Vern set the sleigh in motion.

The sleigh was wide, seating three forward and three back. Vern sat on a bench up front and had a dazzling view of the landscape covered in hoarfrost. Every branch of every tree and bush was gilded white, sparkling like diamonds as the sun rose on this cloudless morning. The girls laughed as they made clouds with their breath, pushing shoulder to shoulder under their blankets to ward off the chill.

Their first stop was Burley Park. As the team pulled the sleigh up the long drive, Amanda admired the green boughs of ivy that had been tied above all the ground floor windows of the hall. Red ribbons adorned the wreaths on the front doors, and a bedraggled remnant of a mistletoe branch hung above. The butler saw them coming and called Phoebe out of the house, so their stop in front of the manor was just a few seconds. Phoebe climbed in the sleigh and threw her arms around Amanda, then they sat together under the blankets and took off again.

"How wonderful to see you out, enjoying society again," Phoebe said.

"I feel like it's not just a new day, but a new life," Amanda admitted. "The mourning period was hard, for a part of me had died, and I truly missed it every day. Now I feel I can start living again."