Depressing Shit

January 1, 2017

I have allowed myself to become touch starved for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to become stressed for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to become tired for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to become depressed for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to become overworked for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to become angry for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to hurt for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to cry for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to become scared for other people.

I have allowed myself to hide for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to become quiet for the benefit of other people.

I have allowed myself to do so much for the benefit of other people, that I have done nothing for the benefit of myself.

I am touch starved so other people aren't overwhelmed with how much physical affection I require. I am stressed because I am helping everyone else with their problems without having someone to give my problems to. I am tired because I cannot sleep at night, but I still help others in any way I can while I am awake. I am depressed because no one is there for me when I need it. I am overworked because people pressure me into doing things and I'm so afraid of disappointing them that I do it without question. I am angry because I don't know how to deal with my emotions so I hide them to protect other people. I am hurt because no one can tell when I am offended; I hide it away to avoid confrontation. I cry because I have too much compassion for others and no enough for myself. I am afraid because I don't want to lose my people; I do everything possible to keep them happy so they stay. I am hiding my bisexuality because my father wouldn't know how to handle it. I am quiet because people always tell me I am too loud and too eccentric and too excitable and too dramatic.

I do all of this for others, and I don't know when I last did something for myself.