Depressing Shit

February 7, 2017

I just want to not care. Is that too much to ask?

I care so much about everything and it never gets me anywhere. I don't want feelings anymore. Everyone disregards them anyway, so I might as well get rid of them.

I just want to be able to do something without obsessing over how others will see me. How others will feels about it. How others will think.

I just want to be able to do anything and say whatever without backtracking and covering my tail.

I'm too empathetic for my own good. I put myself out there too much. I don't have a solid group of people that actually care about my feelings.

I try. I try so hard to spare people's feelings. I'll ask for a subject change or say I'm done with the conversation. If they actually convince me to keep talking, I always end up offending someone. Whether it's by what I say or how I say it, it doesn't matter. Someone always comes out hurt.

Please don't ask me to open up to you when you're going to play victim every time I do. I get that I hurt people when I talk about anything I believe, but please. I don't want to lose someone else because I was pushed into talking.

I keep to myself for a reason. I am an open book, but I will never tell you how I really feel.

I just care too much about everyone else.