Depressing Shit

February 1, 2017

I'm sorry I hurt you so much. I told you going into this I wasn't a good person to get so close to.

The thing was... We fell into it so easily. That year and a half felt like an eternity. You made me laugh and smile and cry when I needed it and you helped me get my anger out and you did so much good for me.

It was so easy around you. We didn't fight often. We didn't disagree on a lot of stuff. We were just... Us. Everyone knew that if they couldn't find you, to ask me. And if they couldn't find me, to ask you. Everyone just knew. It was easy from day one.

I'm sorry I caused you so much pain and hurt. I never wanted that for you. I only ever wanted you to be happy and comfortable and confident. I never meant for this to happen.

I'm sorry I said stupid things. I'm sorry I took my anger out on you. I'm sorry I ruined it.

I didn't think one argument would end a year and a half of laughter and love.

It's a little ironic, isn't it? That we ended as quickly as we started. It's fitting. That we would fall apart at the blink of an eye, the way we were sewn together just that fast.

I love you. I will never stop loving you. I know I hurt you with what I said. I know I shouldn't have said those things the way I did. I know this is my doing.

That doesn't make it hurt any less, though. It's only been seven hours and I still want to text you. I still want to talk to you. I still want to post on your Facebook. To send you funny pictures on Instagram. To talk about how my day is going. I still want it to be the same.

But it can't be because I ruined it.

I'm sorry I couldn't deal with my crap. I'm sorry I couldn't fix myself for you.

It's probably better this way. You deserve the world. You deserve someone that will treat you like the diamond you are. You deserve happiness and someone that makes you feel loved.

As much as it kills me to say this, I hope you find someone new. I hope you find someone that will make you feel loved even when they're angry and stressed. I hope you find someone that won't do what I did. I hope you find someone that will let you in. Someone that will let you help them.

I hope you find someone that will be there for you forever, like I thought I would be.

I don't hate you for this. I was wondering when it would happen.

I miss you.

And I will always miss you.

No matter what you think of me, I will always love you. Unconditionally.