As a reader, there are things I will judge heavily (and not so heavily) when deciding what to read.
Writer Profile
Cover
Blurb
Any parts in your book that occur before the first chapter
The first chapter is a make it or break it for me...
Feelin a tiny bit tipsy right now, just a warning.
Profile
Overal appearence
Short and sweet.
Breakdown
I can tell by your profile that you enjoy writing and enjoy sharing it. I can feel your desire to improve. Most profiles seem to either have nothing at all, are full of errors, or fail to show a reader much of anything.
I would add in a bit more about your writing, but this profile is excellent and welcoming.
Spelling and punctuation
As I am tipsy, the only thing I really notice is reads=readers.
Final grade and thoughts
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(Yup, just doing my own handwriting at this point)
Cover
Nothing I would change.
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Blurb
A young man struggles to gain his father's approval,(remove comma) and fight(s) against his fear of failure as it begins to consume him entirely.
Overall appearence
Too short.
Breakdown
It sounds like it will be a good story (certainly different from what we're used to seeing), but there isn't enough here to pull me in. I want to know something about the character and what brought him to this point in his life.
Spelling and punctuation
Pointed out above.
Final grade and thoughts
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First Chapter
Overall Appearence
You have a thing for commas.
Breakdown
Good writing and good length.
The only issue I really see is you have a lot of dialog without really showing us who is speaking. When you do show who is speaking with action, it's only really using minimum action. Grimaced. Squinted. Snickered.
Adding more detail on what the characters are doing will help the scene come alive. Don't just show a look. Show body language or show what that look entails.
Changing this one thing could make the world of difference to your writing.
Spelling and punctuation
As said, you have a thing for commas.
Example:
...right and, then, left. Should be either 'right and then left' or 'right, then left'.
Likability
Add more description into your scenes. Their surroundings and the characters.
Final grades and final thoughts
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