First Impression Reviews- CLOSED

wuneven

Profile:

There's nothing there. Just one sentence that isn't capitalized, doesn't end with a period and has nothing to do with writing. 

A writers profile introduces us to who you are as a reader and a writer. This is your chance to show your readers who you are as a person and a writer.

Cover:

It's decent. I can't see your author name very well. Nothing about it stands out as messy or awesome. It's not great or bad. I have no idea if it matches the feel of the book. 

Blurb:

Overall appearence

That's damn short.

Breakdown

You don't have a blurb, you have a tag line. I don't know who your character is as a person or what the book is about. It's sort of like your profile and cover. I'm left feeling nothing toward the book. I'm not curious or intrigued. I don't know the vibe. 

Spelling and punctuation

You only have one sentence, but it doesn't have puncuation at the end. 

Likability

If I stumbled onto this book, I would get the impression that I could read a hundred pages and still not know what the book was about. Sort of like Seinfeld. "What's it about?" "Nothing. It's a show about nothing." (This is based on the ending where they talk about writing a show)

Final grade and thoughts

First Chapter:

Before the first chapter, you have a chapter 'zero', which has a quote and a small opening note. Though I like a quick note to readers, the chapter as a whole doesn't feel like it has a purpose. There's a quote from you, a GIF, then your note. I would suggest putting your first authors note at the end of your first chapter and skipping the rest. It doesn't put me off like some do (threatening copyrights, repeated blurbs, etc) but it doesn't feel like it needs to be there. 

Overall appearence

First sentence mistake!

"I could never imagine someone be so eccatic on the first day of school." '...someone could be...' '...someone being...'

Breakdown

Okay. So yes, the first day of school is semi generic, but more so when it begins with the character getting ready. 

Way too big of spacing in between the paragraphs. I feel like I have to jump in to get to the other side. This is tricky, because it can be the sites format fucking with you. It's happened to me a couple of times.

Your working is bordering on strange. On occasion, it flies through that border.

'Carved on my lips' I immediately imagine the joker saying 'why so serious?'.

'Taste the frown'

Dialogue doesn't feel genuine 'you surely have gained...' Aren't these high schoolers?

'I don't want my best friend to look like a whale beside me' then talks about how she's pursing her lips to hide an emotion. I'm pretty sure her emotion was in the dialogue. 

Spelling and punctuation

'Compare as constrictor' to 'compare to a constrictor'. 

'Bestfriend= best friend'

'Threatens to surface' to 'threatened'.  Keep it past tense.

Imagination=image

You get comma happy.

When using a dialog tag, the word following the dialogue should be lowercase (unless always capitalized). Even if using a question mark or exclamation point to end the dialogue. When not using a question mark or exclamation mark, complete the sentence with a comma if using the dialogue tag. Periods should only be used when there is no tag afterwards.

Likability

I feel like the flashback isn't he first chapter makes everything sort of feel like it drags on. 

It also took me a while to realize your main character was a girl. For some reason I pictured a male. 

It's hard to tell if this is likable with the mistakes and the unusual wording. 

Final grade and thoughts