Suicide Recovery | Kian Lawely Fanfic |

Four

I ran up against up the door once more. Nothing. I began to shout, scream, yell. No one heard me. I sat in the center of room. I stared at the door waiting for someone to come. I soon laid down staring at the ceiling. That's when I noticed it. A camera. They're watching me. I smiled flipped them off. 

I know a way for them to notice you. 

Yes, yes. 

Scratch yourself until you bleed. Scratch yourself deep. 

I looked down at my wrist. The flannel covered it. Should I? I took off my flannel shirt and ran my nails down my arm. I did it again harder this time. I smiled and laughed as I did it again. 

Yes. Yes! That's it harder. 

Harder! 

Oh yes, show them! 

 I laughed as tears ran down my cheeks I looked at the blood dripping from my arm. I didn't feel the pain. I began to get dizzy as the door opened. Alex rushed in with a bandages. I moved away from him kicking him in the process. 

"Stop it Paisley!" He shouted at me. 

I stopped. His voice. He was worried. Concerned. He has no right to be. I moved away from once more. 

"Paisley damnit!" He shouted. "You're going to bleed to death!" 

"That's my plan!" I cried. "I can't live on this shitty Earth anymore." 

He looked at me. Sorry was written in his eyes. 

"Leave me alone." I went to stand but I fell. "I was weak." 

"Paisley?" Alex crawled over to me. 

"Don't let me die." I cried. "I don't wanna die." 

What was I thinking? Why do I listen to the voices in my head? I cried in pain as he wrapped my arm up. He picked me up and carried me somewhere. I blacked out on our way there do to lose of blood. 

I woke up in a soft bed covered in black soft sheets. Alex was sitting in a chair staring at me. I went to sit up but hiss at the pain in arm as I did so. He looked at me. He was crying? 

"Where am I?" I asked him. 

"My room." He sighed. "I'm so sorry Paisley." 

"Why?" I asked. "This isn't your fault." 

"It is. I should've known." He shook his head. "They talk to you when you're vulnerable." 

I looked at him. 

"They manipulate you." He sniffed. "This is all my fault. I put you in that place." 

He's right and I hate it. I nodded and shifted in the bed. 

"I would like to go back to my room." I said. "And some food." 

He nodded and did as I said. 

x-x-x 

It's been days since I last talked with Alex. He's been watching me but he hasn't talked with me. Me and Jason grew closer. I found out that he has a crush on a guy. His name is Nathan. He's cute. Short brown hair, blue eyes. I totally see them together. I got caught up with Kian and Jc videos. I heard something about Kian dating but I didn't want to believe. I was sitting at the computer when I saw that they uploaded. I clicked on it and saw that it was just Jc. He was crying. 

"So, this isn't click bait. This is very serious." Jc spoke into the camera. "Kian tried to kill himself. I don't know why. He seemed happy. Life was going good for us." He sniffed. "I can't..." He sniffed. "I just wanna know why? That's the question no one will know but him." 

My heart sunk, tears ran down my face. The love of my life tried to commit suicide. Why? 

Because he's just like you. 

Worthless. 

No one likes him. 

I stood up fast knocking over the chair. I covered my eyes as tears ran down my face. 

"Shut up!" I shouted. 

Worthless, just like you. 

His life would be better if he just died. 

Just like you. Die.  

I screamed and fell to the floor. My sunshine can't be like me. I felt arms wrap around me. I looked to Jason holding me. 

"Shh, it's going to be okay." He whispered to me. 

My breathing began to pick up. My mind with racing. So many questions. Jason began to rub my back. 

"Calm down, copy my breathing." His voice was calm and relaxing. 

I nodded and followed his breathing. Next thing I know I was calm but tears ran down my cheeks. My poor Kian. 

"He tried to..." I choked on my words. 

"Shh, I know." Jason patted back. 

We sat in silence for a while. 

"What are the odds that he shows up here." Jason laughed. 

I looked up at him. What if? I looked at the entrance door. Could he actually come here? I sighed. That's not possible, and if he does he'll never notice me anyways. 

"Hey, it's dinner time. Come on." He walked me to the dining area. 

We sat down. I looked around and my eyes landed Alex. It sucks that after dinner we have to go back to our rooms. I wanted to stay out longer. Hang out with Jason longer but nope. Once we finish our plate we have to go back to our rooms. Once I finished up I walked to my room but was stopped by Alex. 

"Yes?" I asked, annoyed the he ignored me. 

"I'm sorry." He sighed. "After what happened. I didn't know what to say to you." 

"It's fine." I unlocked my door to see an extra bed in there. "Am I getting a room mate?" 

"Maybe." He said. 

"Girl or boy?" I looked at him. 

"Can't say." He walked off. 

What the fuck. I rolled my eyes and got undressed. I put my night clothes on and flopped on this pathetic excuse for a mattress. Once I was comfortable I let sleep take over my body. 

"Hi, I'm Kian." He smiled at me.

I was speechless. Kian Lawley is in my room. The guy I love is sitting right in front of me. What a wonderful way to meet your celebrity crush.
"I'm Paisley." I smiled back at him.
"What are you in for?" He asked me.
"Same thing as you." I sighed and sat on my bed.

"Oh, I'm sorry." He looked down.
"It's fine." I smiled.
"You're really cute." He said making me blush. 

"Paisley! Wake up!" I heard Jason shout.  

------------------ 

Quote of the chapter:
Nobody can hurt me without my permission.

Comment 
Vote 

Share 

Xx