Suicide Recovery | Kian Lawely Fanfic |

Seven

So we were able to get dinner. That was it. I went back to my room and crawled into my bed. 

"So tired." I mumbled to myself. 

I woke up to stuff being moved in my room. I opened my eyes and froze. This can't be real. I sat up staring at him. This isn't right. Guys aren't supposed to share a room with girls. What if something happened. Not that I'm complaining. I just continued to stair at him. He was wearing a hoodie with black skinny jeans. I don't think he noticed me. If he did then he's scared to look at me. I frowned. 

"Are you going to continue to stare at me?" He looked at me. 

"I could, but I feel your uncomfortable so I'm not." I answered him. 

"Why did they have to put me with a girl?" He mumbled to himself but I heard it. 

"Why did they have to put you with me." I stood walking to dresser. "I loved having a room with just me in it." 

I went to the bathroom hand jumped into the shower real quick. I made sure my legs were hairless. Since we can't have razors I have this cream that gets rid of the hairs. It works better than the razors. I got dressed, wrapped my hair in the towel and walked out. Kian was shirtless. 

"Oh." I said, making my presences known. 

He looked at me as he put his shirt on. 

"Um, can you show me around?" He asked. 

"Sure." I gave him a small smile. 

What until Jason and Nathan sees this. I grabbed my keys as Kian did the same. We walked and he locked up. I'm living with Kian Lawley this is crazy. Am I dreaming. I pinched myself and yup I'm not dreaming. 

"So I guess you are wondering why I'm here." He spoke breaking the silence. 

"I know why you're here. I wanna know why you did it." My voice cracked. 

Crap. 

Look, two worthless nobodies talking to each other. 

Haha, two you should die together. 

That's be sweet to see. 

"Are you okay?" Kian looked worried. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said as Jason walked up with Nathan. 

"Stop lying, was it the voices?" Jason said. 

I turned to look at him. His eyes searching mine. Jason is a caring and loving friend. I wouldn't make it without him. 

"Voices?" Kian looked at me. 

"Great, now he thinks I'm crazy." I playfully slapped Jason's are. 

"I don't, actually." Kian looked at me. 

"Wait, you two share a room." Nathan spoke up. 

"Yes..." I trialed. 

"Congrats, you got your wish." Nathan smiled at me. 

Kian gave me a confused look. My eyes widen as he laughed. 

"You knew I was coming here?" He asked. 

"No, but I was hoping." I mumbled. 

He nodded. 

"Erm, so let's start with the tour before breakfast comes." I started walking but stopped. "What if you have obsessed fans here?" 

"Are you one of them?" He asked. 

"I'm not obsessed." I defended myself. "I'm just a caring fan." 

"So much caring that she break down you she found out..." I looked at Jason, my eye wide with warning. 

"Awe." Kian smiled. 

We walked out showing him the places. Girls stared at him. Other ignored him. breakfast was called for us. Kian sat next to me. 

"Oh My God." The same girl from yesterday who thought she could sing walked up. "It's Kian Lawley." 

"Yups, that's me." Kian said sounding annoyed. 

But who could blame him. The girl's voice makes me wanna kill myself. I had a flash back of when I almost did. I stood and rushed out the room. 

"Paisley." I heard Jason shout. 

I ran into the hall away. I lost my breath, tears ran down my face. I can't believe I tired to kill myself again. I'm in here to get better yet I'm getting worse. The voices won't stop. I try to block them but they're just too strong. 

"Paisley." Jason walked up to me. 

"I'm fine." I sniffed. 

"You say I'm fine but your voice says save me." Kian spoke. 

I looked up at him. His brown eyes scanning over me. He sat next to me on the ground. 

"What's wrong?" He asked me. 

I kept silent. He nodded and took my hand. He flipped it over and slowly drew circles on my palm. My body began to relax. 

"What's wrong is that I wanna kill myself everyday, but I realize that doing so hurts the people around me." I sniffed. "What's wrong is that I don't feel loved yet the people around me show it. What's wrong it that I can't get rid of the voices in my head." 

"Paisley..." Jason sat in front of me. 

"No Jason. I feel worthless. I'm tired of it." I cried. "I can't take it anymore. I hate feeling like this." 

"I know, I wish I could help." He cupped my cheek. "I'm trying though." 

I leaned into his touch. He wiped my tears away. 

x-x-x 

The day went by fast. The fasts in a long time. I walked out the bathroom ready for bed. Kian was laying in bed shirtless. His arm behind his head. I wanted to jump on him but I held it back. I walked to my bed and got comfortable. 

"Night Kian." I yawned. 

"I can't sleep." He said. 

"Why did you do it?" I asked him. 

"That's not sometime I wanna talk about." He mumbled. 

"Tell me." I turned to look at him. 

"I wasn't happy. Then the voices came. My friends started calling me crazy. The hate comments. I couldn't take it anymore." He said. "I thought dying was the only option." 

"Kian, dying isn't always the best option." I said. 

"And you would know because." He through that me. 

I opened my mouth and then closed it. I sighed. 

"I tired to kill myself, numerous of times." I admitted. "I only hurt the people around me. My mom was on of them." 

"What was the cause?" He asked. 

I turned over on my back and let out a huge sigh. 

"My dad." 

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Quote of the chapter:
Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.

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