Cover [Cassian Andor]

09

When I closed my eyes, all I could see was Tara's face and feel her arms around me, her soft words brushing my skin and falling into my ear. I couldn't take it anymore so I stood up again and went over to the door where the window was so I could watch the stars go by, hoping that they could calm me down and help me forget the past. When the Rebels took me in, they claimed I was in hysterics and shock but every other report came back that I was healthy and strong so they assigned me a room with three other girls. They were all in their late twenties and were part of the medical team so they knew what was happening during the night as I flung myself around and screamed since they've seen it with other patients. They claimed it was night terror but I denied it and said it was just nightmares and I was fine.

They eventually gave up against my stubbornness and helped train me with medics but when they caught me hacking into the Imperial database about one of the patients, they quickly brought me to Central Command and to the Council. The Council had trouble accessing a database on an old Imperial planet since it was where Darth Vader got his origins apparently, so everything was extremely protected. It took me awhile but I eventually got in and I moved from the medical field to the technical.

My first official mission was going with a team to an Imperial claimed planet and while the team got us in, I was supposed to hack so they could go anywhere they needed and get the information. When we were there, I was looking at the camera stream and realized that the team was captured and being brought to the cells. While my orders were to get the information and leave them behind if needed, I disobeyed my orders to retrieve them. I jammed all the cameras and snuck in, avoiding all troopers and getting the team out. While we were going, we were attacked and I effectively took them out alone, using Saw's and the pit's training. When we got back, I was reprimanded for endangering the mission because if I died, the information would have never gotten back to the base but Mothma shut Draven up and congratulated me, putting me higher on the chain of command.

Honestly, my rank is just a formality. I don't have a crew to command and I'll never be leading anyone in battle but it does get me into the officer meetings, restricted areas, a private room, and if I need anything, I could tell someone else to do what I need them to.

We continued to soar through space towards Jedha and closer to my past. Jyn was sleeping on the benches and we were going to see Saw, someone who left us behind to fend for ourselves. I suddenly felt cold so I crossed my arms over my chest and rubbed my arms but continued to stare outside.

"Li?" I heard someone ask behind me. I recognized it as Cassian right away but I didn't turn around. His voice was really soft as if I would shatter if he spoke any louder. "You are not fine."

I felt his breath on my neck so I knew he was close to me but I turned to face him anyway. When I looked into his eyes, I started to bite my lip but I couldn't break eye contact. I realized long ago that I loved his eyes, the way that they looked like they would never end but were also comforting and the little twinkle he gets when something causes it. I suddenly felt his calloused hands resting on my cheeks, wiping away something wet. I must have been crying without realizing it.

"What's wrong?" He whispered. His warm breath hit my face, warming me up. Instead of answering, I shook my head and pulled him close to me. My arms were wrapped tightly around him and my head was hidden in his chest, under his head. His arms had slowly slid around my back, rubbing circles slowly, and he rested his cheek on my head. After I calmed down and relaxed, Cassian spoke up again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice was just as soft at before. He was probably worried that I would start to cry again. I shook my head to answer his question but I didn't release him since being wrapped in his arms was comforting. I felt safe and calm for once, and I wasn't thinking about my past. We stayed like that until Kaytoo called the Captain back to the front but before he let go, Cassian turned his head and kissed the top of my head, letting his lips linger there. When he was kissing my head, my eyes closed and I breathed in completely calm and relaxed, feeling like this was a normal thing between us. Except, it wasn't. The only time we did things like this was when we were on missions and we had to look like a couple but never on our time. As I watched him walk away, I knew he was still mad at me and he didn't trust me but whenever we were on missions and we were mad at each other, we would put it aside if the other needed comfort.