Remedy

Sunshine.

My books are scattered around on the floor from English, Algebra, Anatomy, and some extra novels. I drop my binder and instantly all the papers fly out like birds heading out of a tree. As I sit on my knees, I pull on my hair. I hear the squeakiness of sneakers running to the rings of the school bell, sweaty smells of socks from the varsity teams making leaps to the door, and mixtures of fruity germ-x and fancy colognes bouncing around me till I'm dizzy. With a heaving sigh, I sit there lost and scattered, and pick up all the books like my disordered mind that needs to put words in the right file.

I hear the slow noise of clickety-clacking heels heading to my direction. A bold and confident voice with a hint of cheer says, "Need a hand?"

"I got it, thanks," my anemic voice responds, while blowing on the stubborn bangs that keeps poking my eye-lids preventing me from picking up everything. I look up to her and blink, "really."

"No, here. I want to help, I'm in no hurry for class really, plus I got a pretty good reputation here, so they will let me pass," she smiles and picks up all the paper, grabs my binder, reads it though, and snaps it inside. Then, she takes the rest of the Anatomy and English books, as well as the extra novels, and before she hands it to me, she gives me her own hand. "I'm Gina," she smiles.

I give her a hand-shake back and grin. "Nice to meet you, I'm Penelope."

"Penelope eh? You're the new student," she laughs. "How nice, it's not likely to have much new people here."

With a deep breath I say, "I feel like a mess. I'm not fitting in here or adjusting whatsoever. My brain is just like everything here that fell apart a few seconds ago. I'm trying to refresh my perspective, and prevent all those old thoughts from coming back. It's not! I just want to be like you, strong, confident, and balanced."

"Like me? If you try to be like me you would waste all you are, honey. Sometimes, everything has to fall apart before they come together, it's like a spiritual awakening. Imagine going through a dark cave and coming to find light in the end of the tunnel. As for your old thoughts, if you had it for years and years and they're getting in the way of your happiness, remember you're the one in control. Look, we live in a corrupted society, but you can choose the books you read, the things you think, the songs you listen to, and the people you surround yourself by. This itself, will shape who you are. This is true beauty, not fashion."

"..But its hard. What do you to have such discipline and confidence in yourself for the future and everything?" I move my bangs to the side and sit down on the floor. Then, I fiddle with my fingers and pull down at the ends of my shirt.

"You just met me, how would you know if I always have strong faith?That wouldn't be right to say. I am not any different from you! I get weak and fall, admit my fears, and let people reach out to me. This is what made me strong, just like you. Ever pluck out weeds from a garden? Try it. You want to leave the flowers there. Everything unnecessary? Take it out. Takes practice doesn't it? That's being positive..."

She joins and sits right next to me. Her bengals chime, and her Strawberry Germ-x makes me feel at home. "Look, just be in the present. Don't worry about the past and future, we can't dwell on it. The past already happened, it's gone. The future, we don't know what is in store of us. No matter how negative and how doubtful we can be, someone is watching over. There are so much bright things in store regardless of our setbacks."

I nod, thinking before my next response. "That, I want to hold on to...but how do I stay focused and meditative? I don't always feel a spiritual presence, and I want to.."

"Faith is a choice like love. It's not always so dandy. As we keep craving and seeking the truth of peace, it becomes real and helps us be content with everything in life."

"Oh.."

"Mhm. And you are seeking spirituality and truth of oneself. This, is the gateway. Our decisions and choices will predict who we will be in the future. Spirituality is actually important for every human being. It's like looking through the world with our hearts instead of our intellect minds, which some leaders don't even know how to do. Me and you, we can work on it to form stronger and deeper relationships with others. Also, yes. I got a suggestion, wanna try Penelopiewopie?"

I chuckle and ask, "What is it, may I ask Gina?"

"Smile. Smile in your heart, mind, and liver. Try it for an hour everyday, and suddenly, your soul will rise and your face will glow. This will mirror to everyone around you, and you will get the support you're looking for. Do it now," she says.

I force a big smile across my face, and my eyes can't stay open any longer.

"Don't force it. Just let it happen itself, look just smile casually. It is good for the heart, just like breathing, a deep one."

"Uh yeah! This feels gooooood," I say. I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and smile. Then, I open them.

"Hello, Ms. Sunshine." My smile brightens my face and brings Gina to nod like "now that's what I'm talking about."