Remedy

Heartbeat.

"You know what. I don't want to see the therapist anymore. What do I have to do to prove that I'm not okay? This heart beat is a worrying heart beat, that forgot what it's like to be slow and steady in a world that leaps before even taking it's first step! They are trying to squeeze me into their own definition of normal. I will never be normal. I feel too much. I think too much. I care too much. 

I can even hear thoughts of people when I sit in a crowd saying oh man, what a lost soul she is. Where is she at? As a matter of fact, I don't need to go there anymore. You are my one and only person that I can talk to for help, whose eyes doesn't makes me feel no longer naked in my own skin. They soften my heart, and restores my faith. You don't give me a box of pills when I have a headache, but you sit and listen with a reassuring smile on your face. You don't call me crazy for not sleeping all night but cupping my hands, sitting on the carpet ground, and yelling at those monsters in my head to just go away. Can't you see? I can't even breathe when there's oxygen all around me.. Do you see that? It's like I can't even put up with the weight of my own mistakes. It's like I'm breathing unstably but not squeezing enough air in my lungs to fill me in between the gaps and ridges around my lungs.  There is not a single thing I can do like I want to! I don't know, so many people believe in me and have so many bright visions of me in the future, but I struggle to," I sigh my chapped lips that were bleeding around the edges. 

You know what. It's okay. I'm okay. I don't need any help. Just let it okay. Just let it g-go." 

"No, you are not okay, and you don't have to prove me that. Your heart beats for you, darling, and eventually, it will become steady. You'll be surprised to find just how much your body cares about you and fights to keep you alive. When you're bleeding, your cardiovascular system supplies your body for necessary blood flow. It can restrict it during an emergency as well. Ever been injured or hurt? Oh, well the adrenaline in your body provides as a rush, increasing your strength, and holding you back from pain. Oxygen? Your human body can go without it for five to ten minutes, yet you're breathing still. There's even been people who lived without sixty days of food, but had a remaining of 25% energy left in their brain that served as an allocation. Yep, and the glucose which is stored in you after eating, in other words carbohydrate that fuels your cells, gathers up in your liver and muscle for future use. Saying okay, is like choosing only two colors when you can pick many. 

Pst, we humans are enraged! We can be crying twenty four hours a day because of the most tiniest remark that makes us think we're not worthy of being loved. We could be told to get hit by a car, or struck by a an arrow that made us think we're in love, soon enough to find everything around us so blurry.  But you are a human being! Going to a therapist constantly, I understand, it must feel like a chain tied to your feet. It must feel like you are not like everyone else, because you always need help. Those words of 'help me' is hard to realize all the time, because you sit down and feel like a monster for your own emotions. But let me help you, okay? These days too, will pass, but you are strong. You don't see that you have a strong heart and mind, but you do. Wake up, and know that you're going through a tormenting fire, and just accept it already! The world does stop, when they head their way inside rooms, or closes the doors to their cars, or heads to the stop sign. It does, and it has to slow down, or it will get a speeding ticket! Don't hide your feelings, please, that's where depression creeps in, because your molding yourself from what society wants to see you as. No,  you are you, they are them. Know you need help. Know that you are lost, but will be found, but never forget that in that dark cave, there is light peeking in the end."