My heart races..
My mind tells me to run.
Run, run,
Don't stop running.
But,
I'm stuck.
And I can't move.
Because,
My mind decided to keep me frozen.
Unable to move.
Just talk, which is useless.
Just panic.
And I cant..
Calm.. down..
No matter what.
If it gets really bad..
I cant breathe.
I cant speak!
I cant do anything.
I'm useless.
I'm scared..
You're trying to talk to me,
Calm me down.
But all I can hear is my heart,
Beat pounding in my ears.
And me thinking of everything!,
Going wrong.
Or how it could get worse.
Small things can make me,
Have an attack.
People staring.
Too many people talking.
Someone touching my arm,
By ACCIDENT.
Or just..
Nothing..
Nothing is harming me!
Nothing is supposed to be scaring me!
Nothing at all.
Why am I freaking out?..
I don't know..
I don't..
And you don't know how to help.
I don't know how to help myself.
So I count.
1..2..3..4..
"Just breathe"
I would if I could!
I would!
Just stop talking!
Stop trying to tell me,
Nothing is wrong.
Because I'm thinking of every,
Every single thing going wrong.
Every single thing that could.
It feels like every,
Emotion,
Is crushing me.
So much I cant breathe.
I'm so afraid....
But that's normal.
Because I am ALWAYS afraid.
Of everything.
Of myself.
And yes!!
Yes I'm listening to you.
I just can't look at you,
Because if I do,
I might burst into tears.
My voice is high pitched,
And keeps cracking,
Or im stuttering.
I'm trying to pay attention,
To you and,
Not what might happen,
If I say the wrong thing.
No no.
I'm fine.
I'm just rubbing my arm!
Hoping it will fall off,
Or you'll finally let me breathe,
And walk away.
I'm not trying to be rude,
I'm just hoping you won't notice,
Me trying to stare at your,
Forehead and not your eyes.
So you don't see my emotions,
Through my eyes that are suddenly,
Wattering.
And my throat is tightening.
It feels like drowning,
Above water!
While your mind is on fire.
And you can't even gasp for air.
Sometimes it's worse...
Sometimes it's better..
It's just depends.
So that,
Is my anxiety.
YOU ARE READING
A Handful Of Darkness
PoetryDreams turn to nightmares, Nightmares turn to dreams. Wishes turn to fears, Or maybe that's what we believe. Tears turn to smiles, And the pain goes away. Maybe one day, You'll be okay.
